all my nights taste like gold / purinz

19

"What?" Chaewon says again.

Yunjin sighs, turning to face Chaewon, and Chaewon is taken aback by how sad Yunjin looks. "Chaewonie, we've been friends for twelve years. And yeah, we've had fights and disagreements, but not like this. You've never gone out of your way to avoid me, and definitely not for this long. You've never shut me out like this. So, I'm sorry. For— you know. But I'll fix it, okay? I know I fucked up but just... I'll fix this."

Chaewon blinks, her confusion growing by the minute. "You didn't— what makes you think you fucked up?"

"Uh, because I did? Because I'm the one who—" Yunjin's voice cracks, and she looks away, clenching her jaw and swallowing visibly. "I mean, I tried making things better, when you stopped by the dance studio, but I think that just made everything worse. Like, that lunch we had last month? That wasn't us, Chaewonie, that was— that was like two strangers who just happened to be sitting at the same table. And now you can't even look at me, and we haven't spoken in weeks, and it's all my fault, and—"

"Yunjinie," Chaewon says, cutting Yunjin off, and God, how long has it been since she said that nickname? Since she last heard the fond way Yunjin says Chaewonie ? "This isn't your fault."

"But it is," Yunjin sniffles. "I didn't— I never meant for you to find out. I didn't mean to make things so complicated."

The more Yunjin speaks, the more lost Chaewon is.

"What?"

Yunjin breaks their eye contact again, looking down at the twin trails of footprints in the snow.

"And I— I get it, that you don't feel the same, and that's fine, that's— it's okay, I'll get over it eventually. I can give you whatever you need, space or time or whatever, but I don't— I can't lose you as a friend, Chaewonie, you're too important to me."

You don't feel the same. Chaewon knows Yunjin kept talking after that, but she barely hears her. Her brain just gets stuck on those five words, replaying them back and forth inside her head, because what?

It had been very clear very quickly that they weren't quite on the same page, but now Chaewon is beginning to suspect that they're having entirely different conversations altogether.

"Yunjin," Chaewon says quietly. "What are you talking about?"

Yunjin still won't look at her. "You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't. I really, really don't."

There's a long, torturous moment, and Chaewon watches Yunjin, equally desperate and scared for Yunjin to explain. She's trying not to get her hopes up, maybe she's misinterpreted, maybe she misheard, maybe she's dreaming—

"I know you don't love me." Yunjin finally glances up, a tiny, sad smile on her face. "Not like that, at least. Not like I love you."

Chaewon's brain kind of just... stalls, and then shuts down completely. Her entire body might have shut down. She can't move. She can't feel the cold anymore. She can barely even breathe.

"What?" Chaewon somehow manages to get out. "What are you— what about Seungwoo?"

Yunjin blinks. "Um, what about him?"

"You're— you're dating him."

Yunjin does not react the way Chaewon thinks she will. She doesn't immediately retract her confession, mutter something about getting back to her boyfriend and go running back downstairs to the party. Instead, she presses her lips together, the way she does when she's struggling not to laugh at inappropriate moments.