The Fault In Romance

35

taehyung's pov:

I still have not spoken to jungkook. I have seen him around classes and in class but we dont even talk, I think he is upset with me. he has a right too feel upset. I wish I could be honest with him and tell him what is going on but at the end of the day it will only cause more chaos. the basketball tournament is around the corner and they need all their players. if luke gets kicked off that could lead to the basketball team failing. 

I did not want that to be on me. I had my first appointment with a therapist. I wont lie I am a little nervous but I hope it gives me some type of clarity. some understanding into why I am feeling the way I am. 

I miss speaking to jungkook, I always feel the ache in my heart whenever we make eye contact and he looks away first. I hope I did not hurt his feelings. 

"kim taehyung" I looked up at the office lady who let me know I can walk into the room where I will be having my appointment. as soon as I sat down on the couch I waited for the therapist to come into the room. when my eyes landed on her as she walked in I smiled and stood up, bowing a couple times. 

"taehyung, it is lovely to meet you. you can call me rose." she said shaking my hand. when we first sat down she went over confidentiality. I signed a few things and we started talking. 

"what is the main thing you want to talk about today" she asked, her voice soft and calming. 

"I have fallen for someone. we are polar opposite's socially. I am an introvert and he is an extrovert. we have become a lot closer and have kissed and stuff, we have not talked about what is means for us" I start

"why do you think that conversation has not come up?" she questions

"I tried to figure that out. for my end, its because I am scared to get rejected. I really like him, he makes me feel safe, happy, he makes me laugh. his values and beliefs are similar to mine. he is a big family person" 

"there is a guy at the school who is friends with the guy I like, he has been bullying me for a few years now and jungkook does not know" I say, looking at her to see her eyes widen in shock. 

"jeon jungkook? is the guy you like?" she questioned and I nodded. 

"what do you think jungkook would think if he found out, why have you not told him?" she asks

"cause if I do luke will be kicked off the team, before the games which is important to the team and jungkook. luke wont receive a scholarship if he is kicked out. I dont want to bring more drama into jungkook's life, he has so much going on right now"

"basketball, his band, his mother recently got hurt. he has been taking care of his family. I am trying to support him and be there for him as much as i can but after the other day he wont talk to me" I whisper

"what happened yesterday?"

as I explained everything that happened she sat there and nodded, she was a great listener so I was grateful. 

"why do you think your immediate thought was to go to ryan and not jungkook?" 

"I feel like ryan can keep it a secret, even if he does not want to but if jungkook finds out so much of his plans would be ruined" I whisper, wiping the tears that were coming out of my eyes. 

"I dont want to mess up his life, also.... if there is something there between me and him if we were to get into a relationship I just feel as if I would ruin it"

"it is very normal to have those feelings when it comes to relationships. your brain sends signals whenever you start to feel anxious and your fight or flight response is to avoid it because that is what is protecting your heart from having all these doubts and nerves" she said, it made sense but now how do I turn that off. 

"how do I turn that off, I want to be confident and go up to him and say you know what jungkook. I like you and I love being around you, I want us to be together." she smiled and looked out the window for a little. 

"there is sadly nothing you can do in life that will be easy, something will always cause you pain but its how you deal with it is what matters. if you dont tell him anything, you will feel hurt, guilt for pushing him away. wondering what it could of been like. if you have a chat with him and tell him everything, and it does not work out then time will heal. you may fall for someone else and be happier. or you have the chance of telling him, and he saying to you 'I like you too' then you will look back and think why was I so scared" 

I nodded, she is right. sometimes you just have to give things a go. 

"life is always about lessons, you learn from making mistakes and a lot of guys like when people try shoot their shot as the kids say. they like the confidence. from the sounds of it I think jungkook has those feelings for you, just talk to him. if he really cares for you he will listen, if he doesnt care for you then it is completely his loss that he has loss someone as great as you"

"thank you" I whisper, wiping the last of my tears. 

"I will talk to him today!" I said smiling. she nodded her head and took out her computer from her bag. 

"would you like to do same time tomorrow? I would do next week but I am not here for next week" she said, I nodded and thanked her before I left. once I left I saw ryan was sitting in the hallway, right by my locker. when he saw me come out the counselling room he stood up and walked over. 

"did everything go okay?" he asked me, I smiled when he hugged me. 

"it was refreshing. thank you for doing that for me" I said, he let out a sigh in relief and ruffled my hair. 

"are you going to talk to him?" ryan asked. 

"yeah, do you know where he is?" ryan cheered, looking excited that I was going to confess. 

"he just finished training so he is in the lockeroom. text me how it goes"