(i'm worried) it will always be you

Chapter 15 - Wrap your arms around me (like the heat around the sun)

Sunday, February 3rd, 2019. Spring semester senior year. The night Sapnap broke the cycle.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up." Sapnap muttered under his breath.

He was on his fourth attempt at calling George. He didn't want to show up to Karl's place unannounced, but he also wasn't brave enough to reach out to Karl yet.

Ironic- he was too afraid to call or text Karl, yet he was less than a mile away from his apartment.

Sapnap threw his phone onto the passenger's seat when he got the same automated voicemail as the other three times he tried calling.

"You've got this, Nick. You're going to take away his pain, just like Dream said." Sapnap mumbled to himself, trying to think of what he wished a friend would tell him at that moment.

It was nearing midnight when he pulled into Karl's driveway. Seeing that they all had massively fucked up their sleep schedules over the weekend, Sapnap wasn't surprised to see most the lights on.

Karl had a one bedroom apartment to himself- a loft. Sapnap never understood how someone their age could want to live alone. Even having his best friends share a house with him didn't feel like enough to soothe the aching loneliness in his chest sometimes.

"Now or never." Sapnap said through an exhale, stepping out of his car.

Three heavy knocks to Karl's front door hushed the white noise of quiet conversation going on inside. Sapnap rocked back and forth on his heels, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket. If he were smarter, he probably would've worn a jacket, seeing there was no telling how long Karl could make him wait outside.

Sapnap jumped when the door snapped open a few inches, getting caught on the chain lock.

"I tried calling you." Sapnap said, skipping the pleasantries. They both knew why he was there.

George gave Sapnap a once over with a blank expression, shutting the door in his face.

"Fucking come on, dude." Sapnap muttered under his breath, shaking his head and bouncing in place. Sapnap was debating on knocking again when the rustling of the chain lock being undone commenced.

This time when the door swung open, it was Karl on the other side.

"Hey." Sapnap sounded breathless.

This was his first time seeing Karl since their fight. His first time seeing him since everything had changed. His first time seeing Karl since he no longer had the right to reach out and hug him.

"Thanks for coming over." Karl lowered his gaze to the floor before he spoke.

"Of course I-"

"No problem, Karl. I'll see you tomorrow." George interrupted, giving Karl a hug right in front of Sapnap.

Sapnap bit his tongue, a terrible feeling taking root deep inside of him. He knew it was naïve to even let himself entertain the idea that Karl would see him and run into his arms like nothing was wrong.

"Drive me home." George stood in between him and Karl, stating the request more like a demand.

"I didn't come here to pick you up, George. I came here for- wait, Karl." Sapnap stepped around George as soon as he saw the front door beginning to close.

Karl struggled to meet his gaze, his eyes already watering again. Sapnap's chest felt tight just looking at him. His world was crumbling before him and it was all his fault.

"Please, you don't have to give me an answer or even say anything to me. Can I please just explain?" Sapnap pleaded, his hands shaking. His every nerve felt like it was on fire, desperate to reach out and touch Karl.