Cherished Dreams

Chapter 15

"Kassie, I hate that I hurt you so deeply. My actions made our situation a million times worse. I should've helped you, not turn my back on you. I'm not sure what I can do to earn your trust again. I want your heart. My Kassie could lay her head on my chest and not worry about anything because she knew I would take care of everything. I want to make your life better. I'm so proud of you for being independent, but I want you to know you'll always have me. I'm sorry."

I turned away from him. I couldn't look at him. Once we locked eyes, it was over for me. Steven made me weak in the worst way. His presence subdued any part of me that didn't believe I was his.

It's something so heavy that it makes my body tense. Steven waited on my response, he didn't touch me. I was grateful because I needed time to think without him yanking on my heart strings.

"Okay, I'll trust you. I'm gonna give you a chance to tell me the truth about Evelyn. You said you never touched her, but why is your mom so obsessed with you being with her?"

"Kassie, I never laid a finger on her, not even a high five. She did have my number, but I changed it. You already know that."

"Did you ever downgrade me to her or complain about me?"

"Kassie."

"Just tell the truth Steven."

"Yes, we talked about you. Nothing major, she always asked and I answered."

"Did you tell her that I almost got an abortion?" I finally faced him. The look on Steven's face gave away the answer.

"I can't believe you would betray me like that Steven. Here I am taking care of your daughter, pregnant and emotional. And you degraded me to another woman."

"Kassie, I was stupid. My actions were stupid. I'll never discuss our marriage with anyone other than you."He pleaded.

"You're not telling me anything, I don't know. I wanted to give you an opportunity to tell me the truth since honesty means so much to you. Do you see how difficult telling the truth is when it risks hurting someone you love." I opened my purse and handed him a recording someone placed in my mailbox two months ago. "I'll give this back to you. Every time I think about forgiving you, I remember everything you said to another woman about me. I can't make it that easy for you. Nevertheless, I'm giving you something you didn't give me and that's grace because people do make mistakes."

The drive to my house was quiet. My mom had been gone for over a month making sure she spent time with all of her children. I was more than excited that she was back with Kyla and me. She wasn't shocked when I told her Steven and I were trying to work things out. She told me to take it slow and if our relationship would ever be successful again, I'd eventually have to forgive him.

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"He's just too comfortable in there." My mom said when I walked through the door.

"I know mom. He's gonna have to pay rent." I slowly sat down next to my daughter. She was always perfect for her grandma, but acts like a pro wrestler with me.

"How are you doing Steven?" She turned her attention to him.

"Good, how are you?" His hands moved around my belly which at this point was so hard breathing hurt.

My mom and Steven continued to make small talk.

"I want him out mom." I walked to my mom and laid my head on her shoulder. "My body can't anymore." I sniffled as my mom hugged me.

"He's coming, Kassie. Your body knows what to do. It just needs a little more time." She rubbed my back up and down.

My mom is one of a kind.

"Steven, will you bring that huge purple ball out here? Kass take your pants off, but leave your underwear on." The position my mom had me sit in on the exercise ball hurt so much. My back ached and pain radiated through my thighs.

"Keep moving your hips, up, down then around." My mom gave me instructions. Two hours had passed. Finally, my water broke. Then I started to panic because my pain level went from a four to a ten. Steven basically threw everything we needed in his truck. I kissed Kyla goodbye. This would be the last day she was an only child.

I closed my eyes and breathed so deep. Once we arrived at the hospital the nurses placed a heart rate monitor for the baby on my stomach. Then another that tracked my contractions. I was more than ready for an epidural.

"That was quick." Dr. Kyle said as she walked through the room door.

"Not quick enough." I replied between contractions.

"I need to check your cervix. After that if you want an epidural you can request one and sign the waiver. I held my composure as Dr. Kyle did the cervical exam.

"Well, I have good news and bad news." My heart dropped.

"Is something wrong with the baby?" Steven asked.

"No, no. He's fine. Kassie you're already eight centimeters dilated which is great, but you can't have an epidural."

She had to be fucking lying. "Yes, I can."

"No, you can't. It's too late. His head is low so he should come out in a few pushes."

My thoughts were paused as a contraction pummeled my body with so much pain that I almost threw up. I doubled over on the bed trying to maintain my sanity. Steven wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear. "Kassie, baby girl, you can do anything you put your mind to including giving birth to our son. Your body's made for it, scream if you need to cry if you want to, but I trust you to safely bring our son into the world. Now, I need you to trust yourself."

"Okay." I replied as tears ran down my cheeks. He was right. The last five months I stood on my own and did everything I needed. No matter how painful the situation was, I leaned on myself. "But can you get off me please."

Dr. Kyle let out a light chuckle. "Once you feel overwhelming pressure, I need you to hit the call button."

I channeled every ounce of strength my mom spoke into me earlier, constantly closing my eyes and picturing my son's precious face. My body started to burn like it was on fire. I tapped the call button so a nurse would come in and check. She walked into the room one minute later.

"Oh dear." She mumbled.

"What?" I basically screamed back.

"His head is almost out." She paged someone and two other nurses ran into the room. Dr. Kyle barely made it in time. 

On March 19th at 5:06 pm. I pushed out my beautiful 9 pound 9 ounce baby boy.

"He's perfect Kass." Steven looked at our son continually kissing my cheek. "I love you."

I smiled back at him. "I love you too." We both focused on our sweet baby.

"What's his name?" A nurse asked after Steven cut the cord.

"We're not sure yet." I replied. "We have four options. I want to see which one fits his personality."

Once the nurses left and the night was quiet I sent my mom and sister pictures of the baby. I'd send them to my friend's the next day. Raven would want to call and ask a million questions, but my body was too tired.

Extreme emotions pulsed through my body as I examined him. The thought of him not being here felt so wrong. He's perfect.