Fix Me

Chapter 2

The car ride home from the hospital was quite.

I think that might be the worst part about this whole thing. I wasn't supposed to be riding back home like everything was okay. I was supposed to be gone.

I now have therapy every week on Tuesday and Thursday. That's the second worst part.

The third worst part is my mother keeps giving me sideways glances and sympathetic looks when she thinks I can't see her. She's also a lot nicer and really touchy with hugs and stuff and she's not even a touchy person.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and now that I've failed to get rid of my pain, everyone at school will be giving me glances of sympathy. Since our stupid news channel decided to announce my attempt all over TV, people who never even cared before will feel sorry for me and that's not what I wanted. Before I decided to end my life I wanted people to notice me on their own terms, not for them to have to announce my depression all over the news for people to finally notice me. But now I don't even care if people notice me, all I wanted was to end my suffering.

"Are you going to get out, Skye?" My mothers words interrupt my mental rant.

"Oh. Yea," I say, realizing she was already out of the car and headed to the front door of our house.

My bare feet hit the concrete drive way as I look at the house that I wasn't supposed to see again.

I walk to my room and fall onto my bed.

Today is Friday.

Great... I have school in two days.. I wasn't supposed to be going back.
I sigh and stare at my ceiling hoping that if I just lay here, time will stop and I'll never have to suffer through my horrifically lonely days again.

I look at my phone. 10:32 p.m.

Perfect time for a walk.

I grab a hoodie and walk to the front door.

"Where are you going?" My mom asks.

"For a walk," I shut the door before she could stop me and I cross my arms to comfort myself on my walk in the dark.

~~~~

"So how was your evening with that blonde chick?" Jake asks with a knowing look.

"Ha! Yea. That. My mom came home," I shove a bite of macaroni in my mouth, "but that girl! She was gonna let me do so many nasty things to her without question. She was so desperate and it was obvious I wasn't her first."

My friend whistles and slaps his hand on the table, "So she was good? Mind if I go after her next?"

"You don't have to ask," I say taking another bite of my food.

"Okay good. Because there's this party tonight and I'm sure she's gonna be there. We should go."

"Sure! I'm always up for a little something to drink," I say, take our plates to the sink and grab my car keys, "let's go!"

~~~~

We pull in front of William Baker's house and get out of the car. There were people all over the front yard, in the house and in the back yard. This was a pretty big party.

The best thing about parties at William's house is that his parents give him permission for them and they even buy the alchohol.

Jake sees the girl I was kissing before my mom got home and looked at me with a grin, "Let Jakey show you how it's done."

I chuckle and head to the kitchen to grab a beer when I'm intercepted by a super hot brunette with super short shorts.

"Watch it, babe. Cut me off again and I may just have to teach you a lesson," I give her my trademark smirk and watch as she practically fall apart at the seams.

"Oh really? How about I get that lesson now rather than later?" She takes a step closer, placing her hand on my chest.

I grab her wrist and lean down to whisper in her ear, "Oh but payback's a bitch. Plus, I might break you and I wouldn't want to do that until you've been extra naughty," I quickly nip her ear and walk away but not before I felt her shudder under my grasp and I smirk to myself, knowing what the night will hold.

I continue my walk to the drinks and stand by the cooler watching the party buzz and hoping to run into the hot brunet again.

~~~~

The sound of music starts to make its way to my ears as I walk down the street. It mixes with the sound of crickets and frogs, but as I get closer the music dominates over nature.

I always hear about the parties at this house though I've never actually been to one. Nobody ever invites me. I would love to go though. Have a few drinks, drown out the depression.
Nobody would notice if I snuck in for a little alcohol.

I contemplate the new choice in my mind before finally deciding it couldn't hurt anything and walking right in the house full of people.

As soon as I enter the house I wish I hadn't. I stick out like a sore thumb in my skinny jeans and grey hoodie while every other girl here has full makeup and skimpy clothing.

Maybe I should leave.

I turn around and almost walk out the door when I hear someone say something to me.

"What?" I turn around to face the person who spoke and immediately feel insecure about every part of my appearance.

"I said, aren't you the crazy girl who tried to kill herself?" The owner of the voice is a tall blonde boy with a can of beer in his hand.

I look at my shoes, "uh.. Yea," I mumble.

"Hey! Look! Its the emo freak!" He immediately yells over the music and everyone stops to look at me.

I look around wide eyed then fix my gaze on the floor as I quickly make my way out of the house.

"She looks pitiful. Let's just put her down and save her the trouble." I hear a girl voice say before I shut the door and the music starts playing again.

Everything starts to blur with tears as I walk away from the party.

That was a stupid idea.

The feeling of depression washes over me like a tidal wave. I scold myself mentally for being so stupid and again for not taking enough pills.

I slowly slide down to the sidewalk and sit there sobbing.

I was there for a good thirty minutes before I finally pulled myself together and walked home, practicing the smile I'll give my mom as I walk into the house.