𝒜𝒻𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓉𝓎 | Xiao x Reader

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝒸𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝒴𝑜𝓊 ℰ𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒

Xiao overlooked the landscape of Dihua Marsh as the sun slowly disappeared behind the clouds. The day would be ending soon, and yet, he had no plans to sleep. He knew it would have been a fruitless effort even if he did try; there were too many thoughts swirling around in his mind.

Even though the people around him had tried their best to make today a happy one for him, or at least, a less painful one, it didn't stop it from being hard.

Verr Goldet and the Wangshu Inn staff had brought him a special Almond Tofu breakfast, Zhongli had visited in the afternoon to chat with him, and the traveler had even come by in the evening to bring him a birthday present. Still, all of that just felt like a distraction, an attempt to forget his pain for even a brief moment.

It hadn't worked.

Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of them...of you. Everything made him think of you; from the beauty of the sunset currently in front of him to the way the wind brushed against his face, and even the fact that it was his birthday. Not only that, but today marked the one hundred year anniversary.

It had been exactly one hundred years since you'd left this world again now, and there still had yet to be any sign of your return...not this time.

The more he thought about it, the more he was flooded with memories. He'd spent countless mortal lifetimes with you, and every one left him even more destroyed and heartbroken than the last when it ended.

It was all so ironic to look back on now, considering that, the very first time he met you, he'd expected it to last forever. You both were immortal, after all, so there should have been nothing to stop you from living as the perfect pair of lovers until the end of time.

But fate had never been kind to him, and of course, he'd lost you all too soon. He wasn't ready when it happened; he never would have been. But worse, that was only the first time he had to witness your death.

Because you came back. You came back years later and found him again on this very day: his birthday. At the time, it had felt like a gift, until he realized the true nature of this curse you were both forced to bare. No matter how careful he was or how much he tried to protect you this time, nothing mattered in the end. He still lost you, because you'd returned to him as a mortal.

After that, it was all a whirlwind from there. No matter how hard he tried to stay away or even hide from you- and he did try- it never mattered. He fell in love with you every time.

He lost you every. Time. One would have thought the pain would numb eventually, but it never did. Every time you slipped from his grasp, every time you died in his arms, it only got more painful. He cried harder, screamed louder, pleaded more for the gods to let you live, to give you back to him. But nothing ever worked. And every time you left, he missed you more until you came back.

It was a never-ending cycle of torture for both of you, even if you couldn't remember it. It felt like some higher power was toying with him, taking pleasure from his continued grief and pain. Perhaps it was, but even then, it didn't matter.

Once, he'd pleaded for the cycle to end, begged for it all to be over. It continued.

But now, now that he'd gone so long without seeing you; any version of you, all he wanted was to go back. He would gladly throw himself right back into that damned cycle if it meant the chance to see you again; to hear your voice and hold you close.

Even if it would be fleeting, he wanted a moment with you again. He wanted you to hug him tight, tell him everything would be okay. He wanted to kiss you, to share your warmth as the two of you fell asleep; the only way he could get even a few hours of rest.