Jennie
For years I've been dreaming of tonight. Imagining the theme of the night, and how none of that will matter as I dance with the one I love in the middle of the dance floor.
What a joke, because young me never ever imagined coming to the dance with a guy that is really irritating. Never would I have thought that the one I love is avoiding me. Never would I have thought that I would be so in love with a girl.
It was all so much simpler when I was younger. Now it just feels like a huge mess.
The night started with photos at my house, followed by more photos when Taehyung and his parents arrived. I was forced to smile sweetly with Taehyung keeping a hand on the small of my back. All I wanted to do was run back in the house and scrub where he touched me. When the limo arrived, we both climbed in. You would think with all that space I would feel less crowded but no, I was practically sitting next to the door by the time we got to the school.
Once again, I reminded him that we are only here as friends.
We make our way inside and meet up with our friends. The girls immediately update me on gossip that doesn't really mean anything to me but I smile through it giving the occasional gasp of shock. It's easy to placate the superficial posse. For over half-an-hour I put up with the chatter between bouts on the dance floor. I'm doing everything I can to avoid Taehyung during this whole time.
Suddenly the topic gets to be too much.
"Did you see who he was dancing with?"
"I didn't get a proper look at her, who was she? I can't believe that Jackson was actually dancing with someone."
"It was that Thai girl."
Now I'm tuned in. There is only one girl here that is remotely Thai and that is Lisa.
"Are you two talking about Lisa Manoban?" I ask. I shouldn't ask, I shouldn't get involved but I can't help myself.
"Yeah, that's her. She and Jackson Wang were just slow dancing."
"Maybe they are secretly dating. I mean I've never seen either of them in a relationship."
"Seems like a risky dating choice. Who knows how long she'll be allowed to stay in the country before they ship her back to Thailand."
"That makes no sense!" I fume. "For a start, yes she's from Thailand, and she not going to be shipped anywhere!"
"So?" the girls say at the same time with a smile on their faces. As one they turn to spread their gossip to the masses.
Without saying anything to anyone, I walk away. The toilets seem like a safe bet, there is bound to be a queue and at least Taehyung won't approach me there. Ten minutes of freedom. Not nearly enough time but I'll take what I can get. When I re-enter the room, the head of the prom committee is on stage calling everyone's attention. Looks like it's time to find out if the past month was worth it.
She goes through a speech that people are not listening to until she announces the prom king. Lucas, the school's star baseball pitcher wins and is up on stage receiving his crown. After milking the crowd for a few beats, the head of the prom committee regains the attention to prepare everyone for the prom queen announcement.
This is weird, I thought when the time came I would be more nervous, that I would be dying for it more. Instead I just feel relief that all of this will be over soon and I'm not as worried about the result.
"... And the prom queen is... Jennie Kim!"
I sucked in a breath. I did it, I won.
Oh.
So, what now?
People around me clap and motion for me to head on stage. I do so almost robotically. Climbing the stairs to the stage and having the tiara placed on my head is a blur as my emotions shut down. I'm vaguely aware of leaving the stage on Lucas' arm before he leaves me to go celebrate with his friends.
I stand there by the side of the stage, slightly out of view of everyone and I feel nothing. No joy, no excitement, just nothing. I just feel empty. Why did I think this piece of plastic would make me happy? I've kidded myself into putting this first. If I wasn't so focused on winning, I would have told my mother where to stick it when she first proposed the idea of coming to prom with that irritating Taehyung.
I don't want to keep living like this. This break has to end tonight. I'm tired of hiding how I feel from the world, I want to be generally happy like everyone else. Announce to the world who I'm in love with. I need to find Lisa and hope that the end of this break will be for a positive reason. More than anything, I just want to see my Lisa.
