I need you

7. sorry

I felt like shit. 

The situation got out of hand. Both of us sitting on my kitchen floor while I'm having a panic attack and Charles trying the best to distract me from my own thoughts. The fact I still didn't told him what was wrong and he is still sitting here with me is leaving me speechless.

„I'm sorry. So fucking sorry." I whisper after a while, not knowing if he even heard it. I thought he would leave now. That he had enough of what he already saw. But instead he comes closer to me pulling me in a tight hug. „Don't you ever be sorry for that, Olivia, I dare you." His words made me cry again. 

By now I feel so embarrassed. How could all of this happened?

„Charles, I..." he pulls away so he could look me in my face. „You don't have to explain yourself. I took a step to far..." Now I was the one interrupting him. „No, what? It's not your fault. I wanted that." And I really did. The moment was perfect and it felt amazing. Charles body relaxed as I told him that. Of course he would think, he did something wrong when a girl starts crying after kissing her. 

I feel so dumb. So fucking dumb.

„Look, I know we barely know each other and it only been a few hours since we met. But I wanna get to know you Olivia. I really do." my heart melts away and now I even feel more bad about what happened. 

Why couldn't I just enjoy it? Why does my past have to ruin everything again? „You're the first guy I let myself so close to..." I began to say. „I don't even now why. It feels like I can trust you although I don't know if I really can."

-

We didn't talked about anymore. He helped me up and we got on my bed to chat about different things. I was so glad, that he didn't ask any further questions. And I still don't know how I deserved a guy like him. I'm pretty sure every other guy would've left by now. 

After a while we both laid next to each other, just looking in each others eyes. I can feel that he's nervous. Of course he is. So I'm the one laying a hand on his cheek. Going trough his hair and than resting it on his neck. I could tell that he enjoyed it. Even If I wasn't sure if it was right time to try it again I lay my lips on his. At first he was surprised, not sure what he can and can't do. But than he began to join in.

This was the best night I had since a long time. Even if only a little kissing and touching happened, I felt happy.

For the first in a long time.