Dearest

Dear diary,

well, well, well. I am by no means an expert on relationships or on sharing a living space but I am very  certain on the fact that your ...

... okay, I had to go consult Matty on what to call him. 'Partner's' kinda lame. 'Love' is too cheesy and I got whooped on the head with a towel for suggesting spouse. So he kinda doesn't have a title as of now, but he said he's fine with 'significant other'. I guess that's cool. He's significant and he's an other. So yeah.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I'm pretty sure that your 'significant other' is not allowed to force you to take up writing in a diary, which you gave up because of them! Like cmon man.

But I guess it's kinda good as well. This diary really kinda symbolises my life a little: empty for the past eight years. And now it's getting more and more filled by each day. It's scary honestly.

It's been two months since I've moved in with him. Six months since I found him. Over nine years since I lost him. And since forever that I've loved him.

I think he knows that it's still kinda hard for me to trust that he'll be back. That I try to, but sometimes fail to suppress the urge to watch him like a hawk cause who knows when I might not be able to so. That I startle awake at night and my world is still drenched in grey because I dream of him gone once more, only to see him and have colours bleeding into the world again.

He got really worried when he noticed it at first, but now he's just started leaving these little notes everywhere.

"Running to the market, I'll be back in 1/2 an hour or dead," they'll say. Or:

"Taking confessions for now, max. two hours or kidnapped."

"On the toilet, doing God's work."

Sure, I could do without the worst case scenario's but ... They help. They really really help, and I sleep a little deeper each night. And the world is a little brighter each day.

I think this is it for today. Imma be back tomorrow.
Goodnight,
Ty

Addition: um hello. Matt here. Or as you know me 'the significant other'. I know I'm not supposed to snoop (sorry Ty), but I really just wanted to check if he did actually write something down or was just pretending and then my eyes accidentally read the entire page. And now I'm writing on said page. (Again, sorry Ty).

I'm really glad to know that the notes help. I wasn't sure they would. As for the worst case scenario's: I just really mean them. Death is the only thing I'm ever allowing to come between us ever again. I would have to be hit by a truck to not be home by the time I've promised to be.

This is final. We are final. Endgame. Forever.

And it doesn't matter what we call our relationship. What title the other one carries or what other's think this is, because I know. To me, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when,
to me he will always be, my dearest