Musings And Questions/Short Stories For The Mentally Tired

The Stream - Consciousness Unconscious (July, 11, 2023)

In the Stream, following it down, down past the blossoms and gin to a place where I am only a nightmare and a wet dream. A place where I smile at you from six feet underground. A head of hair, was it blonde? No, it was brown. Or was it? It was always both, and imagined as both but both can't be real without one being false, except for exceptions. The eyes boy, what colour were the eyes!? They were blue. A sharp and soft, kind and mischievous sort. Or were they green? Maybe they were brown. They were someone's eyes. But whose? Not a real person, but maybe. They weren't real, they never were. Except for the fact that I saw them. I knew them. Even if I didn't actually. I know the name, do I? Yes, I'm certain I knew it but I don't know it. That has passed since long ago. A age. A time immemorial, except for the proof of memory and emotion. There was pain, and comfort, as all the cycles have. Or was it comfort and pain? Which lead into the next? It was our cycle to be sure, but I know that it wasn't. Why is there sand everywhere? Why does it live inside a glass heart inside me? Why is it only partially fused? Fused for what? By what? By who? Who is me? Who are they? Were they? I stare off into the beyond of nothing but myself. Looking, and finding, scraps and shreds like a mongrel dog. Unable to hope beyond the next scrap, for fear of the future. Future is loss, pain, looking, and love. Except for when it is not. They don't always love you. Even if they do, don't listen. Not always. Risk in uniqueness. In variety, and spice. In sugar and salt. A flow of water to cleanse it all, to begin the cycle again. But memory is not easily washed away by the river of time. Who are you, who haunts my dreams, in the harshest of nights and the kindest of days? Why do you seek to follow me? What did I do for this curse, this gift? Where do you reside, that I cannot hunt in my own self for want of memory? When will your demands be satiated? How can I forget? How can I remember?