please don't go

deep talk - raya

when josh asked me why i didnt want to go home , my heart sank. i really didn't want to tell him as he might do something about it , yes she did hit me a times but i still loved her and wanted nothing to get rid of her.

i shook my head , telling josh i don't want to tell him. i hated that i was keeping secrets from him but i really coundn't tell him , i've already told fi and i really dont need another person knowing.

"princess you know i won't judge" he says calmly , i know he wont judge its just the worry he is going to tell someone so i told him that

"josh it's not that" i shook my head "i don't want anyone to know what she has done because i know she will do time for it and i really don't want her to go" josh looked at me with a concered look

"raya tell me , i won't do anything , i promise" he held my chin and turned my face to look at him " i promise" he repeated but in a wisper this time , he sounded genuin. i took at deep breath and turned to face the sky again ansd started telling him , everything. even more than fi knows.

"my farther died last year " i started "he had cancer in his lungs but when we caught it , it was too late and the doctors couldn't stop it , all they could do was fill him with morphine before he had fianly had enough of it and his whole body gave up" i took a minute to calm myself. josh waited for me to contunue , he knew this was hard for me to say so he let me take my time

"after my farther had passed my mother turned for alchahol for a coping mechanism , she would always yell at me , saying that im not good enough or that im dressed like a whore. i've always been worried about what people think of me and specialy what they said so when she said something like that i would always go change. then she would laugh at me and say i take things to seriously" i explained , he had pulledme closer to him while i was talking , he had his hand resting on my hip while he just listened.

"then one day she took it too far , the day i met you. she had hit me for the first time that day" i said he looked at me concerned.

"thats why you were so emontional" he confessed like all the dots were connecting.

i took a deep breath and continued "and thats why i was staying at fi's last night because i went home after work and she did the same thing , thats when i decided i need to start saving up so i cam move out." after i said that he looked like he'd thought of a really good idea

he looked at me and smiled , i'd never seem him smile like this before , he was always so prumpy but i loved his smile. he pointed to a little house that was at the back of the garden "that's my summer house , i dont use it , not even in the summer and because i live alone its just been sitting there. its yours now" he said

i stood up and he followed "oh my gosh josh no i can't take that from you" i said , genuinly meaning it , it was his i dont want to take that. he looked me dead in the eye "its yours princess , you can stay for free whenver you want , you can use the garage next to it for your car and ill make sure the maids come clean it everyday and get all the things you need." he explained. i looked up to see his face , tears in my eyes and i just hugged him. i said a muffled thank you into his chest and he just giggled.

he pulled away from the hug and wipped the tears that were uncontrolably coming from my eyes. he told me to get to bed but i had nothing to wear. "josh i have no clothes to wear" i confessed he helf out his hand for me to take it. he led me to him room and let go of my hand when we got into his room. he pointed to his bed where i sat and watched him as he grabbed a pair of boxers and a t-shirt in which was double the size of me. he left while i changed and i let him back in when i had finished.

when he saw me in his clothed he looked me up and down and smirked like he was getting some sort of thought. "whattt" i said , sounding confused.

"nothing" he smirked and nodded to me "hey you take my bed im going to sleep on the couch." he said , i didnt like that idea

"what no this is your bed you have it i'll take the couch do-" i was interupted

"shut up" is all he said.

"can rocko atleast stay with me?" i asked. he walked away not saying anything. a few minuts later he came back with a very grumpy looking rocko in his hands. he gently placed rocko in my hands and told me to get some sleep and that he will show me the summer house tommorow morning.

"night josh"

"night princess"