Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

April 17-April 23, 2016

Granny did not think this was good. She made me stand attention while she told me that she finally reforming me. I was being the boy that Granny did not have to be embarrassed about when I was with her. She did not want me to ruin her reputation by being destroyed by my sissy ways.

"I have to think if I can do this by myself. I want you to think about how better you have been when you did as I said. You are no longer immoral. You have taken the rainbow that the transgenders and gays have stolen and given it back to God. I will also have to decide if I can deal with Sarah by myself."

I told Granny that she promised to leave Sarah alone if I did what she wanted. Granny reminded me that I failed at this. Why was she making a big fuss about that Sarah was pretending to be a hairdresser?

April 21 2016
Thursday
Dear Diary

It was Sarah's time to face Granny's wrath. Granny told Sarah that she was a bad influence on me. At first Granny tried being nice to Sarah by asking her did she want to be guilty of supporting my corruption or turning me into "one of those unwanted elements in society." Sarah did not fall for it and told Granny that I had a right to be the person that I wanted to be. Sarah also told Granny how she hated her and would never forgive her for putting me under a spell.

It ended in one big argument, where Granny lost her patience. She told Sarah she would not be allowed to do any more videos and that Granny would think of further punishments.

I went to my bedroom and looked out the window. I felt bad that everyone was arguing about me. Once again, everyone had a view on how I should dress and what I should wear. I did not know who was right and what I should do.

I must have fallen asleep, as when I woke up, the ghost of my mom was back again. She did not look happy. She held my hand and told me, "It's time you stop listening to others and trying to please everyone. It's time you listen to yourself. Decide what is important for you... how you dress. Decide what you want to do with life and how you want to live it. Start living your life doing things that make you happy and the world a better place to be."

the ghost of Mom disappeared making me think if what I saw was real or my imagination. It would be best if I told no one about this as they would think I was crazy.

April 22, 2016
Friday
Dear Diary

After school, my cell phone rang. It was Doctor Mary. She wanted to know why I forgot my appointment. I explained that I was trying to be normal and act more like a teen boy. Doctor Mary sighed when I said that Granny was being nice and she was showing me right from wrong.

Doctor Mary told me that it did not make a big difference if I got shots or not. The medicine I got from the crazy doctor would have delayed puberty for a long time. She could also respect if the gender-fluid feelings I had was just a phase I was going through. Doctor Mary reminded me that it was my choice. At any rate, she would still like to see me and keep an eye on my development.

If the shots Doctor Mary were not needed, why did she give them to me?

April 23, 2016
Saturday
Dear Diary

Beyonce released a new album called "Lemonade". She is not someone I listen a lot to so it was not big news. The only reason why I paid attention to it was that it made me think of Dad. I am sure that he did not like Beyonce and considered her a contender for Madonna's throne. If Madonna released new music, then maybe it would cheer him up.

At any rate, I decided that I would visit Dad, even if I was not allowed.

Billy visited us and told me that he needed to talk with me. He said, "It's hard being your brother especially since you started acting like a sissy and baby. I blamed you for getting all the attention and making our family so weird. I know I treated you badly, but was also proud of you that you were stubborn and finally decided that you were genderfluid or whatever it's called. The last year has been hard for everyone in this family. Sometimes I forgot how hard it can be for you and as a big brother, I was never there. I even blamed you for the problems I had."

"All this being said," he continued, "What is happening to you? The last year of your self-exploration and discovering who you are was not just a phase. You have let Granny have too much power. Do you not see what is going on? First, she threatens you that she would make Sarah's life a living hell if you did not do what she said. Then she suddenly becomes nice and wants to be your best friend. She is manipulating you and trying to confuse you and rework the way your mind is. She is deprogramming you and making you into a person that won't embarrass her. It's time you open your eyes to what is happening."

Billy thought that I needed to get away from Granny. He suggested that I should move into his flat. It would be small, but I would have the freedom to be who I wanted.