Futile Devices | Park Jay

VIII

"And I would say I love you
but saying it out loud is hard,
so I won't say it at all."
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"Baby? Say something. You're scaring me." You whispered, reaching for my cheek.

"Uhm... thank you, Jay." I couldn't get it out. I couldn't. My jaw automatically bit down on my tongue, preventing me from returning my feelings verbally. The lump in my throat grew larger as I struggled to gulp down. I felt a tightening sensation around my throat and vocal chords, burning my mouth.

"Jordan, seriously? I love you and I don't know if I'm just overreacting, but you're really making me think you're taking the piss. You always make me feel loved and like you love me so why can't you fucking say it?"

Silent. I couldn't give you a reply because you were almost entirely correct. I did. make sure you always felt loved and that you were under my care and engraved into my heart, but I couldn't say it. You were wrong about one thing though, I wasn't taking the piss.

I've never believed in words. I always thoughts actions were superior to one's words. Someone could speak of carrying out the world's greatest miracles but not do shit in reality. I don't know what made it so hard to confess to you, I managed to do everything else but say those words to you. It's not that I willingly didn't reply, I physically could not choke the words out. And neither could you.