The Panopticon of Love

Chapter 38: Ariana

I stared at the bar in front of me. Neon lights glinted from the sign above. Ivy curled around the structure. I was still lugging my suitcase behind me. But where would I put it? I could've rented out a motel room, but I feel as if I just got trampled by a herd of horses. But I'd rather stay at the bar then go back to George. I may have influenced George to go to the casino and bet the money, but so what? He was gonna lose that money either way.
I pushed open the door to a bar. Not the one where George worked, a different one in the corner of a plaza. The building was covered in ivy and looked abandoned. I pushed open the door, cautiously. Inside the place was bustling with people, mingering beside the wall, some perched atop the stools sipping a drink, smiles plastered onto their faces, others sitting in big groups among the tables. Chatter was echoing off the walls in the bar. I took a seat by one of the empty stools near the counter. The bartender smiled at me.
"Would you like anything?"
I inspected the printed version of the menu taped down on the table.
"I'll take the IPA." I said, pointing to the name in a faded bold font on the menu.
The bartender nodded and gave me another smile.
I sighed and glanced towards the door. It was still light out but I could see the sun slowly fading into a deeper, warmer color. A fast blur rushed towards the door. I squinted at it. Most of the people who walked in the bar had slow, faded, movements. Not this person. He walked in, his back straight, his shoulders squared, chin up. His body cast a formal energy around him. But not his face. His eyes were surrounded by eyebags and his hair was ruffled and long to the point where it was covering his forehead. That's why I didn't recognize him at first.
Conrad.
Conrad was standing before me. It's as if he was looking right into me, with those deep brown eyes.
"Ariana?" I barely heard him say under his breath.
I blinked a couple times. I don't know what to think, what to say, or what to feel, when I see Conrad. Should I be angry? Sad? Disappointed? Should I feel hatred? I don't know, because I didn't feel anything. I just felt numb.
"Yes, that's me." I tried to keep my voice leveled but it cracked instead.
Conrad sat down on the stool beside me, just as the bartender came back with my beer.
"Here you go miss."
I jolted back into reality, and dug into my wallet for cash.
Conrad took my wrist. His touch burned my skin. Electricity poured through my veins. My breath hitched but he didn't notice. At least I hope so.
He took out some cash of his own, and laid it down on the counter.
"I got it." He told me.
The barista disappeared from my view.
After a moment I asked, "why?" Because why would Conrad pay for my drink? We were supposed to hate each other. Or maybe I was overthinking it. Perhaps it was just a kind gesture. A formal gesture from him.
He shrugged at me, and gave me a small smile. "Is it bad to be kind, Ariana?"
I frowned. "What?"
He ignored my question with a follow up. "So how have you been?"
How have I've been? I've been tired. I may have been happy for a little bit, but then tired again. Happy and tired. And it went on and on, like a cycle. Maybe my life was all just a cycle. I didn't know. But I did know I wasn't about to tell Conrad any of this.
"I've been fine." I told him. I pointed my chin at him. "What about you?"
He hesitated for a moment, then said, "alright."
I nodded and looked down at the floor.
Conrad fingers slipped under my chin. He slowly tilted my face up to look at his. I could have slipped out of his grip. I could have walked away. But I didn't. I stayed there. Frozen. Stiff.
Conrad noticed I made no move to hesitate and grabbed my wrist pulling me off the chair. I didn't protest that either. He led me towards the restrooms and pushed me against the wall.
"Ariana." Conrad didn't even blink as he stared at me. "Do you still love me?"
His question fled through my mind, but I barely registered it. I couldn't think with his hand on me. With his body leaning against me. The only thought that ran through my mind was, "Yes."