A Clouded Glow

Chapter 17: Hoshiete

Hoshie's POV

I've been giving it lots and lots of thought, even though the people around me may not think so because I can't find the right words to express myself. But I am thinking about it, even now, and I really don't know what I should choose. I want to get closer to Threo and go to school with him, and live the life I saw in his memories, and if I need to, then I am willing to get Aria's memories.

But I couldn't say that yesterday, Papa, Threo and Aria made it sound like it was a scary thing to get Aria's memories, they said that it could change me a lot, and it made me doubt myself a little, maybe I had the wrong idea of things. But deep inside I wasn't worried, I still want to say that I'm ready, after all, I have always been me.

A long time ago I was born on a star far far away as a chunk of light. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, think or speak, I was just conscious, I simply "was". Over time little stars like me would grow, and eventually launch off somewhere to become stars of their own. And normally it should have happened to me too... until the breeze came, giving me the ability to think. I became more aware, and noticed that I was growing differently from the other little stars, I still had no perception of time, so I didn't know how long it took me to be ready for departure.

Even after I left off to travel in space, my mind and body continued to grow, I was able to feel more emotions, I felt loneliness, I felt scared of the dark, and at one point I regretted leaving the star, but I was too scared to turn around and go back. I felt afraid that maybe I was lost, I didn't know how much time passed, Will I be lonely forever? I'm scared... I'm scared... I'm... scared...

Eventually, I learned to cry, and became just like that glowing girl in the rain in Threo's memories. But by the time I arrived on Earth my hair was longer and my body grew taller. Will he recognize me? Did the glowing girl grow up like this too? Those were the things I was worried about when I made my way down. Do I still look like a star?

In the end, it all turned out to be alright, and now I just have to make this decision. Everyone makes it sound like it's scary, but as long as I am not alone, I won't be scared.

But as I was lost in my thoughts while trying to do the dishes, I accidentally dropped and broke a plate.

"Hoshie!" Papa shouted

But what if I really changed?

Papa came running, the floorboards creaked loudly at his steps.

What if they looked at me differently after getting the memories?

A shard from the plate cut at my foot, blood began to pour out, my heartbeat is racing.

What if they don't love me anymore?

"What happened?!?!" Threo shouted in distress.

What if they leave me alone?

I was about to run away, but Mama came in from the exit, bringing in the laundry, so I dropped down and cried.

"Hoshie! Are you okay?!"

"Hoshie! Your foot is bleeding!"

~~~

Aria came today too, earlier than Threo because he had soccer practice. So I told her that I don't think I can handle her memories.

"Maybe I'm still a child after all... Last night I broke a plate and cried when a shard cut my foot" I told Aria, who looked like she wanted to laugh, but for some reason couldn't.

"So you're giving up on going to school?" she asked, and I instantly shook my head.

"Which is it then?!"

"I want to go to school... but it's scary..."

"School is not that scary, you'll make lots of friends"

"Not school..."

"Then what?"

I can't reply to her... but why?

I just need to tell her that I don't want to be alone... but I can't, why?

"...I get it, you just don't want to change." Aria said.

"Eh?" I uttered, "How... did you know?"

Aria paused to stare at me for a while before responding, "Most of the people in this town have those eyes, eyes that fear change" "But Hoshie, what part of changing scares you? Before you can overcome your fears, you need to be able to admit them."

"I'm... scared of being left alone." I said softly.

"What was that? I didn't hear you."

"I'm scared of being left alone..." I repeated.

"Louder!"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!" I shouted.

Aria looked at me with a soft subtle smile for an instant before it disappeared.

"Even if I don't shoot you with the bow, you can't avoid change. And even if you don't change, the people around you still can" she said.

Hearing that caused my heart to skip a beat, because it meant that at any point in time, what I fear can still happen.

"Then what do I do..." I asked Aria teary-eyed.

"Nothing, Hoshie. You don't have to worry"

"Huh...?"

"Even if you change, you won't be left alone. No matter what you change into, or what you become, Mr. Oper, Mrs. Clara, and Threo too, will always love you, because that's what it means to be family. And with them around, you won't ever feel lonely."

"Besides, if you know that you have been truly yourself until now, then you don't need to worry about a few of my memories changing you."

"Aria..."

Aria wasn't very kind to me at first, I even felt like she really hated me. But as time went on, I've been feeling that less and less. She is a very strict tutor, a lot of the times her demands can feel impossible to meet, Threo even said that sometimes she is too harsh that it makes her unhelpful. But I think that deep inside, she's always been very kind, and when it matters the most, she feels like a big sister.

"So have you changed your mind? Are you okay with getting shot with the bow?"

I nodded.

Aria stood up and lowered her voice,

"Then how about we do it right now? Let's go to the Night Valley before Threo get here."

"Eh...?! But..." I hesitated, but deep inside I felt a little bit of thrill and excitement at the idea that we were going to do something behind Threo's back.

Aria held my hand, and lead me as we snuck outside.