-Protector Without Honor- (Thorin Oakenshield Fanfic)

Chapter 5: Midnight song

(Still Kóna's Pov): Time skip~ brought to you by LONG CHAPTER XD.

We waited for Bilbo to wake up while I secretly sat on. Closing my eyes, I thought carefully about who to draw but decided against it and sat down outside for some air: "..." I said nothing until I sat down on a porch for a moment of silence and peace, thinking of my past and how

Too many things had started to reach their peak, and I could tell that no one would notice that I was outside, that is, until my thoughts were interrupted by one wizard: "My dear Kóna, what are you doing outside?" He continues, with concern in his voice, "You'll catch a cold if you stay out here for too long." I chuckled, "I appreciate your concern, but I would like it if I could be left alone for a little while, Gandalf. I need some time to gather my thoughts."

Gandalf nodded understandingly, his wise eyes studying me momentarily before he spoke again, "Very well, Kóna. Take all the time you need. But remember, we are here for you." Stunned, I didn't expect him to say that, which I didn't want Gandalf to say, but I composed and shoved the words away so I wouldn't feel appreciated for his kindness and concern: "Thank you, Gandalf. I'll keep that in mind," I replied softly. As Gandalf walked away, I took a deep breath, allowing the fresh air to clear my mind and calm my racing thoughts. I don't want to admit this to anyone, but it felt good to be outside, surrounded by nature, even amid all the chaos and uncertainty that would happen soon. 

I still felt like a liar who uses a mask to hide their proper side... I am not fearless; truth be told, I fear emotions. The emotions I felt when someone left or died in front of me, all alone once more, before I let the tears fall so quietly: "...Everyone wears a mask, even me." I got up, walked up the steps toward the door not before wiping off the tears with my white shirt and used my stealth to enter the wooden door without letting anyone know I was standing there, only to see Thorin and Balin standing in the hallway as we watched Bilbo enter his bedroom. 

My best guess was that it had something to do with Gandalf persuading him into the 'Quest.' The old dwarf sighs, "It appears we have lost our first burglar. Balin says, "Probably for the best, except for the lass. She signed, and there was no stopping her since the odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy-makers; hardly the stuff of legend. And she, herself, has already told us that she has been training herself since she came here."

Thorin lets out a heavy breath out of insecurity but got me pissed when he said this: "There are a few warriors amongst us. And a woman is not able to join battles." 'This motherf-' Thoughts cut off to hear Balin mutter: "Old warriors." "I will take every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills. Thorin tells him, "For when I called upon them, they came. I can ask no more than that for loyalty, honor, and a willing heart." I calmed down from rage to sympathy and listened by watching them before me without knowing my presence. Typical.

"You don't have to do this. You have a choice." Balin intervened by telling Thorin: "You've done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains, peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor." Thorin withdrew the Dwarvish key from his pocket; I could understand what it was like to dream of having a peaceful life away from the dangers and monsters that kept crawling their way to hunt me down until I could no longer fight. But it seems fate had other plans for me; I became a mercenary because of it, yet I held integrity and strength to protect myself from getting attached to others.

The world I used to live in wasn't like a fairytale, full of dwarves, wizards, elves, and hobbits. Everything and everywhere I went in my missions to kill was just a business full of bloodshed, torture, and filled with pain. This new one seemed surreal, but I felt guilty for anyone who came into my life because nobody knew the real me except my little brother. I kept myself distant from everyone because I valued my privacy and never let anyone take advantage of me. I expected people to leave me because I knew my worth and didn't need anyone who didn't appreciate me.

"From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. After showing the dwarvish key to Balin," Thorin said, "They dreamt of the day when the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me." 

"Then we are with you, laddie. We'll see it done." With a deep sigh, Balin placed a supportive hand on Thorin's shoulder. When they both turned around, I was already standing there to see their expression of shock. Balin smiled sadly at me before whispering to Thorin, "Apologize, laddie." 

Once out of sight, I crossed my arms over my chest while glancing into the dwarf king's blue eyes filled with a cold and rage glimmer through mine, and none of us spoke until Thorin was the first to speak: "What did you hear?" He asked rather harshly but calmly for the others not to hear except for me. When someone harshly spoke to me like that, I would calmly walk away and ignore it, or I would just plainly kill them. But this dwarf seemed to get under my skin with every word. 

And yet, I didn't feel like killing him since I'm part of the Company. He could do nothing about it, despite everything else, and I wish I could just shoot him for his attitude but kept myself composed by sighing in defeat, "Everything until Balin left. Y'know..." I lean off the wall and walk over to avoid forgetting the past that has happened to your people." Thorin narrowed at me but replied, "How can you know anything about losing someone close to you? " 

I thought, 'Just the thing, I do...' 

"You're not the only one who has lost someone close to you." I returned his eyes by narrowing at him with no remorse or fear when a memory of losing someone wounded me: "Trust me or not, I know the feeling." With a slight mumble, I left before bumping his shoulder hard enough for him to fall a bit for what he said about me. Without saying another word, the only exchange of words we both showed to one another was deadly glares at one another.

In the living room...

Every fellow Dwarves, including me since I was transformed into a dwarf, going into Bilbo's living room where Thorin stood, looking into the fireplace, hummed and started to sing:

"=Far over the Misty Mountains cold=.

"=To Dungeons deep and caverns old=

"=We must away, ere break of day=.

"=To find our long, forgotten gold=."

As Thorin sang, I walked over to stand next to him, which made the Dwarf King turn around to glance at me, Only this time stopping ever so slowly while I softly stared at Thorin by singing along as I found myself entranced by the way we continue singing together. As well as the rest of the Company joined in the singing too:

"=The pines were roaring on the height

"=The winds were moaning in the night

"=The fire was red. It flaming spread

"=The trees, like torches, blazed with=

"=The wind on the withered heath=

"=But in the forest stirred no leaf=

"=Their shadows lay, be night or day=

"=And dark things silently crept beneath...=."

After the song ended, everyone got ready for bed. At the same time, I changed into my black nightgown, bringing in the blanket, and headed towards the fireplace to sit on the floor as I stared at it like it was dancing its flames around until I slowly succumbed into a light slumber.

A/N: Short chapter...