Why I HATE the Color GREEN.

'You're a Whore' {C.7}

*SEASON TWO. BEGIN.*

i sit alone in my room. i brush my hair.

i think about him. i hate him. i hate Carson.

You know. I haven't always hated the color green. I used to love it.
I used to love the color of trees and live grass.

I hate it now.
It reminds me of the chunks of vomit, the mold in the milk, the muck in the sewers, the gross seaweed brushing up against your leg in the lakes or oceans, the moss growing inside that one corner of your shed, that dead plant you tried so hard to water, the glass beer bottles your uncle used to drink, that ugly green mint color of your grandparents walls before they painted over them.

I loved green, I really did. I loved it more than anything else in the world.

Now, now I hate it.

i'm almost done getting ready, i just need my dad to tie my shoes for me. i've always struggled with tying my shoes, i know that I'm supposed to be old enough to do it; but i can't for some reason.

here he comes now..
      "Kayla. You need to learn how to get your own shoes on."
             my dad yells at me, maybe i would listen to your words more if you used my actual name. MY name. not the old one.

" Yeah.. I know. Sorry. "
i respond. i've already been having a bad day. carson broke up with me. my heart is still in my stomach. it hurts, and it makes me wanna cry at my dads words.

I was stupid, back then. Though much time hasn't passed. I need to stop focusing on this.

I was hurt, and heartbroken.
Hey, kid.

He got with another girl.

"Yeah, he got with someone else. It hasn't even been a day since you and him broke up."
    cate said to me. she was the first one to tell me. i paid no attention to the way he was being with someone else. i looked at him, but not enough to know if he was with someone else.

"He got with another girl?" i ask to nobody but myself, staring at Cate in shock. my eyes are watering.

Another girl?
That fast?

What?
Who?
Where?
When?

"Do I know her?!?"
            i better not know her!
she'll get her ass beat too!

"Uhm, he's dating.. Raven? Yeah, raven. He's with Raven now."

that BITCH! that little BACKSTABBING BIT-

"Oh."

I'm sick of this. I don't wanna hear about this again. That little dirty, lying, backstabbing bitch stole my boyfriend back then. She took HIM FROM ME.

No. I'm over him. I gotta stop.

I'm sick and tired of this part of the story. But honestly.. I don't remember much of this part. He got with Raven,

why are we in a groupchat together. I don't wanna be in here.

why is SHE here? why is HE here?

i hate them both! they ruined my life.

I don't remember much of the groupchat.

Besides- uhh..
Is a conversation that went kinda like this?

A: "my biggest flex is that i'm the only one in this gc who has nitro"

⤴️
R: "GTEGHDs"

C: "Cus your a whore who sends nudes to old men for nitro"

Then Carson texted just me saying-

C: "I would like to apologize for everything that made you feel uncomfortable or scared in some way I just wanted to make sure I could trust you uhm but yea the reason I'm apologizing is cus I don't really wanna make things worse so yea"

yeah, right. like i'd ever decide to believe him again. but.. i kinda wanna give him another chance. he was nice, really nice. i wanna try it again.

i don't know though. no.. yes. i wanna be with him again.

right. she's gonna have her about me saying "I LOVE YOU" just to make me feel some type of way about it.
she knows that it's gonna get me jealous.
why is she like this? i hate her.

carson just texted me.
   what does this man whore want?

C: "I do kinda wanna get back with you though."

shut the hell up. really? really!?

i can't.. no.
i shouldn't.

i should. no.
yes.

i'm gonna say yes.
i don't know.

The rest of that was a blur. I just remember getting back with him, I don't remember if-

Nevermind, that can be for the next chapter.