Vox Machina Incorrect Quotes

The one with Taryon Darington

Pike: I just heard Scanlan call his dog a "fucking liar" because he was barking at the door when nobody was there

(My dog likes to do this, but usually when my siblings leave)
(Hell, earlier my siblings left to go to my dads house, and my dog decided that taking a running start and jumping at the closed wooden door would make them come back)
(And when it didn't, she resulted in barking at the door for about 20-30 minutes)
(This happens every single time the kids leave)

~~~~~

When the party drops food
Pike: oh well
Vax: FIVE SECOND RULE!
Scanlan: FUCK!
Percy: *just gets more food*
Keyleth: *drops to her knees and mourns the food*
Grog: *eats the food off the ground*

~~~~~

Percy: Goodnight moon
Percy: Goodnight tree
Percy: Goodnight demon who haunts me and whom only I can see

~~~~~

Percy: *staring out the window, drinking coffee*
Vex: is everything alright?
Percy: the kids are playing outside and one of them just said "I do not fear the dark side", then another replied "You should!" And then there was a 'whack' sound followed by crying and I'm wondering if I should step in.

(Now, here's the fun part)
(Would this be during C1, or after C1?)
(Bc I know that—spoilers, btw—they end up getting married and have children by the end)
(But also, Percy and Vex—and Pike as well—have basically become the parents of the party)
(So, yeah, Percy could be talking about their canonical kids)
(But it's just as likely that he's talking about his fellow party members)
(Especially Scanlan and Grog, considering that Scanlan has literally called Percy "mom" a few times in the campaign)

~~~~~

Percy: How long do you think it'll take?
Scanlan: I don't know, three or four.
Percy: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?
Scanlan: Yeah, maybe five.
Percy: five what!?!?

~~~~~

Percy: who are you?
Taryon Darington: I'm you, but not

(Guess who finally got to episode 85 and onward! :'D)
(I find it hilarious that Taryon is almost EXACTLY like Percy)
(Only difference is that Tary's parents are still alive, they're just really shitty)
(Sam and Taliesin really went "bro, can I copy your homework?" "Yeah, but change it a little" huh)
(Anyway, this is just my way of saying that Tary's now gonna be here!)

~~~~~

Percy: What's your biggest fear?
Scanlan: That I'll never be good enough for anyone.
Vax: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Vex: Zombies.
Scanlan:
Vax:
Vex: BUT they can open doors.

~~~~~

Vex: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.
Tary: Unless you're home alone.

~~~~~

Allura: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.
Allura, gesturing to all of Vox Machina and Kima: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!

~~~~~

Vax: I really like Eminem.
Keyleth: I prefer skittles.
Tary: He's talking about the rapper.
Keyleth: Why would he eat the wrapper?

~~~~~

Percy: I just drank a lego piece.
Vex: ...what the hell?! You melted plastic and drank the liquid?
Percy: Yes.
Vex: Why did you even melt a lego in the first place?!
Percy: Because it looked like chocolate! So I drank it! You know, like a chocolate shake?

~~~~~

Percy, sweating: Vex, there's something I need to ask you-
Vex: Finally! You're proposing!
Percy: How'd you know?
Vex: Darling, you've dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Vex: I even picked it up once.

(I know this isn't the case, but I love the idea that Percy is highly intelligent and knows exactly what to say and do EXCEPT when it comes to Vex)
(I mean, there are exceptions, of course, like when there's danger involved)
(But I just mean in general domestic occasions)

~~~~~

Percy: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don't murder someone right now.
Vex: There are no books in prison.
Percy: *sighs* Thank you.

~~~~~

Kima: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who.
Grog: Voldemort?
Kima: No.
Grog: Is it Voldemort?
Kima: It's not Voldemort.
Grog: You haven't mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I'm gonna have to assume it's Voldemort.

(THE FACT THAT THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING GROG WOULD SAY THO)
(Like, I heard it in his voice)
(Also, I finally learned where the "why don't you die with dignity!?" "We don't do anything with dignity!" Quote came from!!!)
(I'm just surprised it came from Keyleth)

~~~~~

Kerrek: You either buckle down and do your work or you'll end up at McDonalds.
Vex: We're going to McDonalds if I don't do my work?
Kerrek: NO-

(Kare being the party's unofficial dad is everything I ever wanted in my life and so much more)
(And the fact that he's a socially awkward badass too)
(Bro really saw a group of chaotic 20-something's and went "alright, I'm your dad now")

~~~~~

Scanlan: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos.
Vex: Was that place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

~~~~~

Percy: What are you talking about Tary? You love it here!
Tary: I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

~~~~~

Percy: According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it.
Grog: ...I was hungry.

~~~~~

Tary: Watcha doin?
Vex: Stealing my neighbour's cat.
Tary: Scandalous.
Tary: Can I help?

~~~~~

Pike: Do you have a superpower?
Scanlan: Yep! It's hindsight.
Pike: ...that's not going to help us.
Scanlan: Yes, I see that now.

~~~~~

Scanlan comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Pike's bedroom.
Pike: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?
Scanlan: No thank you, I'm sure you're lovely but I have a girlfriend.
Scanlan: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*
Pike:

~~~~~

Tary: Keep it running. *Tosses keys over shoulder into empty parking lot.*

~~~~~

Tary: I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good, so I simply did myself.

~~~~~

Percy: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.