Pike: when you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy?
Percy: to have a living family
The twins: to have a dad that loved us
Keyleth: to have a mom
Pike:
~~~~~
After Crimson Diplomacy
Vex: are you okay?
Percy: why do you ask?
Vex: well, you just asked me if my damage repair shampoo also works on emotions, so
~~~~~
Vex: I don't get paid enough for this
Vax: paid enough for what?
Vex: *gestures to the rest of the party*
~~~~~
Scanlan: booby traps? Sure, I'd easily fall into a trap if I saw boobs
~~~~~
Scanlan: you must be a broom, because you have swept me off my feet~
Pike: I'm actually a plunger, because I'm sick of your shit
~~~~~
Grog: I'm the fucking 7th wheel, how do you think it's going?
~~~~~
Scanlan: of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, I've been the same height since I was 12
~~~~~
Vex, after getting a new set of arrows from Percy: I'm so happy I could kiss you!!!
Percy, flustered: um...neat
Later
Percy, lying face down on Scanlan's bed: I said 'neat', Scanlan. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but i said it anyways because i'm fucking stupid.
Vax, reading a book in the corner: Don't beat yourself up too much, Percy. You know what i did when Keyleth confessed her love for me?
Percy: what?
Vax, shutting the book and staring up at the ceiling: I fucking thanked her.
~~~~~
Keyleth: Plants are basically the ideal friends. They are quiet, friendly, and easy to please. All they need is a little water and fresh earth, and they are perfectly happy to lie there all day in the sun. And they don't make increasingly awful life choices, or hide their relationships. They have never, as far as I know, fucked a bee.
~~~~~
At a speed dating event
Pike: Oh wow, people are really shallow.
Scanlan: Consider it a background check. For example: Do you have a death certificate?
Pike: *Checks her pulse* Sorry, not yet.
Scanlan: Good, I'm not fucking a ghost again.
~~~~~
Kima: This bloodline ends with me.
Scanlan: That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".
~~~~~
Keyleth, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?
Grog: Yeah, sure.
A few minutes later
Grog: Here you go.
Keyleth:
Grog:
Scanlan: Why am I here?
~~~~~
Scanlan: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
Grog: Wow, I've gotta hear this.
Scanlan: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.
Grog: You forgot pride.
Scanlan: No, I'm pretty proud of this.
~~~~~
Scanlan: Percy, what do you call people you go out with but don't try to sleep with?
Percy: ...People?
~~~~~
Kima: What's your body count?
Scanlan: Do you mean sex or murder?
~~~~~
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
Vox Machina Incorrect Quotes
फैनफिक्शनWill have references to both the 1st campaign and the cartoon. There will be some spoilers (tho I do try to avoid it, especially MAJOR spoilers)
