The arrangement | Charles Leclerc

Chapter nineteen

It had been some weeks since the Canadian Grand Prix and things were going a lot better of course they weren't perfect but I wouldn't say they were bad either. I had done one shoot for a collab between Tommy Hilfiger and Mercedes with Lewis and Valterri and it felt good to be modeling again even tho it wasn't really the modeling I used to do. I just had to wait a few more months until my next doctors appointment and then I can know if I could return to work which I was really missing. Being that stay at home wife wasn't for me I just got bored and got trapped with myself which wasn't really always that good. I still went to Charles races but it wasn't the same as working I missed working I lived my work and I was passionate for it but I had to let my health come first and if that was to give up modeling for just some months then so be it. It wasn't the whole world that I missed a few months or even a year of modeling I would be back I knew I would.

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I At least had something to do now as I had to pack my suitcase as we were leaving for Australia for the Australian Grand Prix I wasn't complaining tho even though I had a lot of jet lag I was ready to do this so I didn't make myself go all crazy cause I was bored. I had only been home for a few hours and the apartment already looked trashy but hey I had Charles as well and he wasn't easy to live with.

As I was done packing my bags I sat on the couch and started scrolling on Pinterest to find some outfit inspiration for the weekend when I suddenly found myself getting stuck on baby outfits. I could get my head around it but I had been obsessed with babies ever since Canada it's like since that moment I realized I wanted a child there was baby's everywhere. Everywhere I went I saw something related to that and whatever I did I got reminded of it and I tried to forget about it but I just couldn't. I knew I wanted to be a mother but I wanted to find that one person who always made me laugh, smile, feel comfortable, bring the best out of me and make me feel like I'm worth living and honestly don't get me wrong Charles was an amazing person but he felt more like a best friend than a partner maybe because he already had a person he loved and that wasn't me or because I just hadn't felt that feeling with him yet. Sure we'd spent these past weeks together and we'd even spent some time together at home in the apartment as he'd gone with me to Monaco and stayed there which he'd never done since we got married so yeah we started getting a long quite a bit but I never really felt that spark when I was with him that my brother always talked about when I asked him how he knew my sister in law was the right one.

Well the other side was that his arranged marriage had actually turned into a life story but his marriage wasn't as complicated as mine so I didn't really feel like comparing it felt like the best idea.

However I needed to figure some things out and what better place to do that than Australia the land I first visited outside of London and Monaco Australia had always been like a third home to me it was here that I'd spent a year of my high school life as an exchange student and ever since then I'd fallen in love with Australia it was just something about it that felt so special.

And of course every time I went there I went to my exchange / host family as the year I spent with them I got to feel like what it was to really have a good relationship with your family and how a real family was and for that I was forever thankful. I had always kept in touch with them since I'd left and when I became a model and started earning good money I started visiting them more frequently than I could before. I knew no matter what I did they would always be my second or one day my third family and I loved them with all of my heart as they'd been there for me not only because they had to but because they wanted to. They'd seen what a wreck I really was and that made me feel like i could be myself around them.

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As of my own family they'd never seen me as a wreak I'd always kept it cool when I was with them as I knew they wouldn't understand anything anyway. They were that kind of family who didn't care about each other until you did as they wished that's why they had such a good relationship with my brother and not me because my brother had always followed what they wanted but I never did. Except for when I got married but then I didn't really have a choice no matter what I said so.

But I had always known my brother was the favorite child and honestly I was fine with it I didn't like them anyways my brother was okay in general it wasn't his fault so I didn't blame him or try my best not to blame him but sometimes I just couldn't help but blame them all of destroying everything.

But I would always come to my senses and realize blaming them wasn't gonna do anything but cause me more pain in the long run. So I often let it go when I had calmed myself down a bit and continued on with my life but sometimes it was hard I still had that hate towards them from when I was a child and they'd neglected me just cause I didn't follow their orders blindly like my brother always had. But just because that didn't mean I was less worth and sometimes I hated them for making me feel like I was less worth because of that even thought I knew all that want true I was worth loving they just couldn't see it.

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After a while Charles came home and his bags were already packed so we just headed straight to the airport when he came home as I couldn't wait to get to Australia cause I was so excited to meet my exchange family again it had been over a year since I last saw them.

I also think Charles noticed my excitement because he laughed quite a lot when I did my dances and happy jumps. Yes I was weird when I was excited but I didn't care I was myself and I was gonna keep on being myself as long as I could and wanted to not caring about anyone else or anything else.