The Ways You Make Me feel

Chapter 10

                                                                                     Jasen

              I felt a stabbing pain straight to my heart. I quickly flew up from the bed and grabbed the clothes I had taken off before bed, and put them all back on. Snatching my coat from the chair, I wasted no time sprinting to the door, ripping it open, and racing down the steps. Chase was absolutely correct. There were large piles of snow everywhere. The wind was hallowing and harsh, but that didn't stop me from charging ahead toward the direction Ariana and I had originally been in. This time I was going to go after her.

             As soon as I got to the area she had run away from me, I ran in the same direction I had seen her go. I saw nothing for so long. It got to the point I was digging through the large snow masses to see if she was covered over by one of them. The thought caused me to let out a strangled cry. It was all my fault. I should have gone after her as soon as she ran. I didn't want to admit it at this point, but the thought of losing her, especially after how I treated her so horribly for so long, killed me. I felt so much crippling pain in my heart right this moment, but I had to keep fighting for her. Find her. That way could place all this behind us and get along just like in old times. Tears started streaming down my face.

            I didn't know how much time had passed, but it was to no avail. I was terrified I was going to have to give up. I had been running forward when I tripped and fell over what I had thought was another pile of snow. But when I looked closer, my heart skipped a few beats. It was Ariana. She wasn't moving, and her normal pain skin was blue. I gasped in horror and quickly pulled her into my arms. It seemed like she wasn't really breathing. I checked quickly for a pulse and was utterly relieved when I was able to detect one. It was weak, but it was there. She seemed to be barely breathing. I started preforming CPR. I knew I couldn't keep her out here. I quickly scooped her body up in my arms and used all the strength I had left to get us back to the buses. I knew there was no way an emergency crew could get to us out here.

           I went to the bus I shared with Chase, Rylan, and Celestial and wasn't surprised to see everyone gathered there. When they saw the state of Ariana in my arms, there were a lot of petrified cries and gasps.

"CALL 91," I screamed to no one in particular. "And she needs someone to keep preforming CPR!"

             I set Ariana on the couch and ran around, grabbing blankets to cover her in an attempt to warm her up. Elizabeth had pulled out her cell phone and, hopefully, was doing as I demanded. Chase wasted no time kneeling beside her and taking over the CPR. He was understandably a sobbing mess at having to do this to his just become girlfriend. I fought the urge to be the one to stay at her side till help came, but Celestial came over to me and pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back. I was sure she had been scared for my well-being while I was out in the storm as well. But I was looking over her at Ariana and her barely alive state. I couldn't admit that all I wanted was her in my arms at this moment.  

"Jasen," my sister sobbed, coming up to the two of us. "W-what—"

Elizabeth could barely get the words out to finish her sentence.

"I ran, and I ran till I could find her." I shook my head, fighting back tears. "I found her under a snow drift."

"Oh my gosh." Was all she could get out, crying too hard at this point.

             Rylan was standing on the other side of the couch, gazing down at Ariana with a completely heartbroken expression. I knew without a doubt they were all blaming me for this. I was blaming myself as well. As much as I wanted to be over there, I knew my presence would not be a welcomed one. Possibly even only making things worse.

            The emergency crew got there around fifteen minutes later, I was upset that it took that long, but with how the weather was that night, that didn't surprise me. They loaded Ariana into an ambulance, and Chase was the one to ride with her. The rest of us couldn't follow behind in cars until it cleared safe enough for travel. That news frustrated me. I wanted to be the one with her right now. No one in the room was saying anything to me, but I could tell what they all were thinking the same thing: why did you leave her?

            I stalked out of the front room and went into my bedroom. I slammed the door closed and went into the bathroom. I saw my eyes were bloodshot and my face was ghostly pale. I splashed water on my face, trying to attempt to clear my mind. It didn't help. When I looked in the mirror again, I saw tears were now streaming rapidly down my face. I was disgusted with myself. I hit the mirror and then just gave into the sobs.

            I slid down the wall I had leaned against and just balled my eyes out. I felt ashamed for letting myself come to this point, but it didn't seem like I had a choice in the matter. Unsurprisingly, Celestial came into the bathroom, I didn't know how much later, and she wrapped me in her arms. I wanted to push her away. Instead, I just let myself fall against her and cried ugly. I was embarrassed at her seeing me in this state, but that was what a couple was supposed to do, right? Help each other through their worst. The only problem was Celestial seemed to be the one always helping me through my worst.

"Jasen," she whispered, rubbing her hand up and down my back. "I'm so sorry you are going through this."

"Don't!" I snapped in disgust. "Don't pretend you don't blame me like the rest!"

"I don't blame you for any of this Jasen." She pulled back and looked at me taken aback. "Ariana is a grown women who did decide to run off all on her own. I pray she'll be okay."

"Don't dare blame this on her!" I hissed, pushing her away from me. "She only ran away from me because I told her she meant nothing to me."

Now Celestial looked astounded. "Jasen..." she couldn't even finish her sentence.

"Yes," I agreed nodding my head. "I know I am a monster..."