The Ways You Make Me feel

Chapter 3

             When I opened my eyes in the morning, I felt like hell. I didn't know what time I had been able to be carried away into blessed slumber. I was still wearing the same clothes from the night before, meaning I hadn't been able to bring myself to do my nighttime routine. I pulled myself up slowly, feeling myself having basically no energy. I had to shower. Sad or not, no excuse to neglect my hygiene. I went to my suitcase I knew contained my self-care products. Then also selected an outfit to wear for the day. I wanted nothing more than sweats, but I knew a lot of famous people would be in and out on this tour. So feeling low or not, I knew I still had to look put together each day.

            When I looked in the mirror, I saw I had dark circles under my eyes. The sight of myself almost broke my own heart. It was like all the heartbreak I'd been denying myself in dealing with Jasen all these years had finally all come to a head the night before. My heart still ached, but I'm sure this was what they called the "worse" before it got "better."

            I managed to get myself into the shower to wash myself. I let the hot water just run over my body for a while, trying to breathe myself back into life in a way. Not even my favorite strawberry-scented body wash could make me feel better this time. I towel-dried my hair and left in the natural waves that happened every time I got my hair wet. I looked good with waves as well. My outfit was a light long green sleeved shirt and black ripped jeans with my white Nike sneakers. I looked dressed simple yet still elegant.

            Feeling much more alive now, I made my way out of my room and into the front room. I hadn't seen Elizabeth in years. I didn't want to be rude and neglect catching up with her. We had still managed to keep in touch over the phone, but we only ever talked about life itself. She hadn't dared to bring up Jasen, and I hadn't dared to ask.

            To my shock, Elizabeth wasn't alone when I walked toward the kitchen. Chase was there and he was making breakfast to my shock. Liz was sitting down at the counter. When they both took notice of me I could feel the atmosphere shifting to one of commiseration to which made me feel embarrassed more than anything else.

            "Good morning sleepy head!" Elizabeth greeted me first, smiling a welcoming smile. "Chase came over to visit and offered to make us something to eat!"

            I was a little taken aback. Why had Chase wanted to do something like that? I met his eyes, and immediately his face went red, and he started to rub the back of his neck. I only looked back at him curiously. Elizabeth then stood, causing both of our attentions to turn to her instead.

           "I need to make a quick phone call!" She chirped, stretching. "You kids have fun for a bit!"

            I watched as she walked out of the room with a speed that would seem she was trying to be anywhere but here. I narrowed my eyes. What could that woman be up to now? The possibilities had my soul nervous.

            Chase cleared his throat, re-catching my attention. "How are you feeling this morning?"

            Suddenly I remembered breaking down in his arms the other day and this time I was the one who was blushing. I cleared my own throat and took a deep breath before speaking.

            "I am doing much better," I muttered, looking down at my feet now. "Thank you for asking . . . and comforting me yesterday."

            "You know, I care about you a great deal Ari." Chase's eyes softened just then. "I have ever since we were all younger."

            I started up into Chase's deep blue eyes that were framed by thick blond curls around his head. Chase had always been a cute and sweet guy growing up. He was tall, and I was shorter, so he was always there and willing to reach for the things I couldn't always quite get myself.

            I smiled at him. "What made you want to come over here and cook?"

           "I wanted to do something to cheer you up, honestly." Chase smiled back at me.

            He was making French toast. One of my favorites my mother used to make for Chase, Rylan, Jasen and I growing up. I walked into the kitchen and picked up a plate and took a couple from the stack he had set aside. I got some syrup and took a bite. It was surprisingly delicious.

           "Damn Chase!" I exclaimed. "Since when did you learn how to cook?!"

            He smiled cheekily back at me. "Just a little something I've been picking up on!"

            I giggled and bumped his arm with my own.

            Just then, Elisabeth made her way back into the room. She walked over to Chase and me and enveloped us both in a warm hug. It felt so good to have her back around again. She'd always been such a positive, loving influence growing up. I hugged her back, and even Chase threw an arm around her.

            The front door to the bus just opened then. Rylan, Jasen, and Celestial walked up inside. As much as I tried to ignore it, I still felt the same fluttering sensation along my body when Jasen entered.

           "What's going on in here?" Jasen cried, rushing up to us. "Are you guy's having a bunch party without us?!"

             Despite all his fame, I could see that Jasen was still the same energetic goofball at heart. The thought of this actually warmed my heart. Jasen had always been the one I could turn to first, back in the day — besides Liz — when anything had been going wrong in my life growing up. Like when my father walked out on my mother and me when I was nine. He'd listen and always seemed to have good advice to give. And vice versa. I'd always been there for him through every rough patch as well. When Jasen lost his parents at only the young age of ten, something in him had just shattered to the point I didn't know if the pieces could ever be picked up again. Liz had also worked hard to find a way to provide for both of them, her being only twenty, which was not an easy task to do. Especially with a young sibling to care for. Not to mention trying to keep yourself together as much as possible on top of it all. I always admired the strength of the Beningfield siblings. I knew Jasen's record deal was the break they'd been praying for. And his voice really was amazing.

            "Jasen." Liz rolled her eyes. "You know damn well you just woke up."

            I chuckled. Jasen had never been a morning person. Some things never changed.

             He rolled his eyes with a good natured smile.

            "Everyone sit down!" Liz encouraged.

            An uneasy feeling washed over me, but I still did what Liz ordered. I was actually hoping to catch up with Jasen more. Try and be a good sport about everything happening. If I remembered correctly, we would be taking off for Europe tomorrow. And that would be quite the travel.

            The meal had been progressing just fine, but every time I tried to open my mouth, Jasen would cut me off — not on purpose being fair enough — to talk about Celestial. Her latest modeling gig or song she just released etc. And she just stared back at him fondly through all his fusing over her. It almost seemed sisterly. . .

            I felt like I was suffocating. The tension in the air was growing thick because everyone else could see how agitated I was becoming, but not wanting to get in the middle of any of it.

            "You know, Ari, Celestial actually—" Jasen was beginning to tell for fifth or sixth time now, not having let me get one word in at this point.

            "You know what?" I cut him off as calmly as possible. "I'm really not feeling well today. I'm going to go back and lay down."

            And with that, I left the room, not meeting any of their eyes that I knew were all staring holes into my back. I didn't want any of them to see the tears that had once again begun to stream down my face. . .