Finding Scarlet

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Scarlet

I wish I could sleep.

It's ironic, considering I'm in a dream and I'm wishing for sleep. But the thing about it is, time is completely frozen here, forcing me to carry on. I don't even feel fatigue; I don't feel my eyelids get heavy or my body demanding rest. But I want to so damn much.

I want to close my eyes and forget for a while, pretend that I'm somewhere else to make me feel like a real person again.

I want to be a part of the real world; I want to be a part of Toby's world.

Stop it Scarlet, that can't happen. Don't be weak.

But I can't. Pictures and images of him flood my mind like a dam breaking free, and there's nothing I can do to stop the cascade of water. His smile. His laugh. His hands.

I scream, rubbing my palms into my temples, trying to force the memories out of my ears.

I'm so angry. My whole philosophy has been ruined by one boy—one messy haired, stupid boy—and there's nothing I can do to reverse it.

He's just Toby, Scarlet. Don't forget that.

But he's my saving grace in disguise. He was there when no one else was; he told me everything would be okay.

But it's not, it's worse.

I feel my heart crumbling in my chest: my dead, decaying chest.

Is that what's left of me now? A decaying corpse of flesh and bones?

I don't want to think about it. Any of it.

Funny, that's what I wanted all along.

I wanted to know what was wrong with me, why am I like this, why I couldn't go home. I wanted my memories back so badly; I was so scared of the emptiness in my head. But now I realize it was actually a blessing. It shielded me from all the heartache and pain.

But for some unknown goddamn reason, I still want to live. I still want to remember.

Everything is so messed up.

I wish I could sleep. But I wish to wake up even more.