Race till the end-formula 1

21

Daniels pov:

"for teaching me that I couldn't turn people into homes"

It sounded so broken when he said it. Daniel couldn't stop thinking about the sentence. When he heard it he wanted to turn to Amadeus, to tell him that people can be homes ..but he couldn't. it sounded like a goodbye, everything Amadeus said sounded like a goodbye.

"I-i love you Amadeus I always will" Daniel heard her low voice through the phone.

"Goodbye Laila," he heard the boy say his voice still as the line went silent. He didn't say it back.

He heard Amadeus put his phone down and then let out a shaky breath.

"Je t'aime aussi, je t'aimerai toujours." It was just a whisper. Daniel doesn't know French that well but he always heard that it was the language of love. He never thought it could sound so pained.

He felt the bed shift and heard the bathroom door open. Daniel tried his best to fall asleep and eventually, he did.

...

It was 5 am when he heard the balcony door open. Daniel squinted slightly to see a shirtless Amadeus standing there the sun slowly rising. As he leaned against the rail.

He got up slowly after contemplating it and joined him. Amadeus's head tilted gently to show that he heard the door open but he didn't turn around. His back to Daniel.

Daniels's eyes gravitated toward the biggest piece tattooed on the boy's back.

Amadeus had a beautiful tattoo on his back it was in the middle. It was a winged man falling, Icarus. Daniel wondered if Amadeus saw himself as Icarus. Was he constantly falling, was racing his sun, or was it a person? He had many other tattoos littering his back. There were many faint scars near his ribs hidden by his arms, some more apparent than others. Daniel frowned at them.

Daniel saw the scars that lined amadeus arm faint. but present. He could guess what they were and he tried hard not to grimace and hold onto amadeus tightly. Put him in his pocket so nothing could ever hurt him again.

They stood leaning on the rail breathing in the cool Belgian air, neither saying anything just aware of each other's presence.

"Did you sleep?" Daniel said his voice groggy from lack of use.

"I tried, couldn't get my brain to stop," Amadeus finally turned to him. He had a lit cigarette in hand as he leaned his back on the wall next to him.

His eyes were red and tired.

"I like the sunrise no one expects anything from me in times like this it's refreshing so that's a plus"

Daniel smiled at him.

"I'm so proud of you " Daniel whispered.

Amadeus was confused for a second before he understood what Daniel was talking about.

" I thought you were asleep," he said softly

"I was about to," Daniel said worried Amadeus was upset about it.

"I did nothing to be proud of...I'm just protecting her heart and what's left of mine, " Amadeus sighed looking down at the road below. The rising sun touched his tired skin.

"if she had called earlier I would have let her change me as she liked, made me easier to love"

"Deus.. you are easy to love you just need someone to show you"

"You are sweet Daniel, too good" Amadeus smiled.

"People like me aren't meant to be loved like that, Laila was the first and only exception, and  even then love was not enough."

" Love is enough with the right person.. maybe she just wasn't the one"

"... I held on for so long even when I saw it coming.. don't think of me as some sort of victim she deserves better. "

Daniel wanted to scream at him and tell him to stop taking the full blame. Stop seeing himself the way he does.

"Everyone deserves to be loved, everyone wants to be wanted, Amadeus" Daniel tried to explain.

"your too young to have this mindset you cant just shun out the possibility of love just because of one bad experience"

He turned to Daniel reading his face. Looking so intently at him.

"I'm too young for a lot of things daniel, I'm too young to not have a dad, I'm too young to not have a mom, I'm too young to want to not want to love again, I am aware, I am so aware, I grew up wishing to be needed to be loved without conditions I just wanted someone to want me but I am older now and I know better, there are always ifs and buts and unsaid conditions, and it ends the same every time, painful and tragic, I've had enough of that for one life don't you think, the one good thing i had i destroyed its okay i cant always get what i want" he huffed out with a small smile.

He said it so honestly. So calmly every word was honest and raw. Amadeus was being too transparent and Daniel was starting to doubt his awareness. He would never be this open in any other circumstance.

Daniel tried to get even closer to the boy but Amadeus pushed his head back against the wall.

Daniel can now see his face clearly amadeus eyes were bright red his blinking slow and his movements sludgy.

" don't," Amadeus said as he pulled the cigarette back.

as he turned to put it out in an ashtray behind Daniel.

Daniel held his wrist before he could. And he stared at the ashtray. There were about two joints in there.

"Deus.."

"I told you... destructive"

Daniel took the cigarette softly from Amadeus's hand putting it out in the ashtray.

He then turned back to the boy and held his face. 

"The right person will come and you will fall so hard and they will love you amadeus,, they will love you with everything you hate about yourself"

How is Daniel a real person, how can someone be so lovely?

Amadeus wanted to smile but he couldn't,  his head blurred with emotions he had been burying all week. 

"Come on sleep a little bit... I will go.  Micheal wakes up very early and will be looking for me" he laughs

Amadeus fought the urge to hold him and tell him to stay tell him that he still needed soothing that he will feel alone. But daniel interrupted him before he can do anything.

"Maybe in Italy, we can meet up...my girlfriend is going to be there, I wanted to show her around and maybe we can all go out you know she wants to meet you"

amadeus felt something tug at his heartstrings. Painful but soft. there was always a catch isn't there... he shouldn't ever let his heart dream even for a tenth of a second, he smiled to himself like he'd won some sort of mental argument.

"Sure Danny i can send you a list of places she might like," amadeus said with a smile as Daniel opened the door to the hotel room.

.....

an

Idk what happened, this was not even the direction I wanted to take this chapter in but I was listening to a sad playlist and here we are.