EXILE//Grayson Hawthorne [3]

Chapter 8 - Illicit Affairs

________________________________

"And you know damn well
For you, I would ruin myself
A million little times"
- Taylor Swift
________________________________

Grayson's P.O.V

When Jess left I could only think of one thing to keep my racing mind from tormenting me further: Swimming until my body ached and my muscles hurt more than the throbbing of my heart.

I had tried. I had tried to let Jess go. I had tried so many times. But erasing someone from your heart was easier said then done.

It takes time for a heart to stop yearning for an individual. That's why separating yourself from that individual is an option a person leans to.

In my case, I couldn't separate myself from Jess. Not anymore.

There was always the option of going back to Harvard. I had friends there, or as close to friends as I was able to make. In reality there were girls all over the campus who would date me. And I could choose one. Maybe fall in love with her, let go of Jess for real.

I couldn't do that though. The person I had just described wasn't who I was. I don't want to pick and choose girls to date like they're a new shirt to wear. It would just be a cover up to tell myself that I was over Jess.

I also couldn't do that to anyone. Tell them that I want them when In truth I was just using them as a way to let go of a girl I couldn't have.

That wasn't going to happen though because I wasn't returning to Harvard anytime soon. I needed a break. Needed to stop running from the things that scared me.

I could be there for my brothers and Avery. I could let go of my pain and jealousy and be happy for how much the people I love have achieved. I would be happy for Jameson and Avery. I would be happy for Nash and Libby. I would be happy for Xander and Max.

I would be happy for Jess and Alex.

I would watch them get married. I would forget the feelings I hold for her. I would erase the memory of her lips on mine just moments ago. I would let her be happy.

And I would find a way to let myself be happy.

...

I swam twenty laps of the pool before I was interrupted.

A familiar girl with red hair and a beautiful smile walked up to me. I saw her through the blurriness of the water. I pulled my head from the water, looking up at the girl standing over me.

She wore a white sun dress, small flowers embroidered into the fabric. Her hair was long and hung against her smooth back. Her lips were red and full, her green eyes focused purely on me.

A name echoed through my mind even though I knew it wasn't true.

Emily.

Emily.