* THIS IS A COPYRIGHTED STORY OF MINE, MIDNIGHT_LILAC, PUBLISHED ON WATTPAD. IF YOU FIND IT ON ANY OTHER WEBSITE, IT HAS BEEN COPIED/REPUBLISHED WITHOUT MY CONSENT AND YOU ARE LIKELY AT A RISK OF A MALWARE ATTACK. IF YOU WISH TO READ THIS STORY IN I...
I deeply apologize. I realized that I published chapter 19 instead of this Schuster last week, so I am putting this up now. Please read this chapter snd then refresh yourself with the next chapter again!
I'm really sorry for the mix up!
***
𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔡
ℭ𝔥. 18
Levi pov:
"You travel in the cart with Eren," I said to Historia. She complied with a simple word of agreement, getting into the cart in which Eren had been laid down after another experiment that had left him in a rather hideous state. Elisa was right beside him, as expected and as she always had been since the experiments began, looking over him in worry. She brushed a few strands of his hair off his skinless forehead, seeming to ignore the shitty consolation Hange was giving to Mikasa.
My eyes lingered on her with foolish wondering about the way her caresses would feel if they were done to me. Memories of my mother were hazy, but I certainly remember the comfort I felt when she showed me affection despite our pathetic living conditions, her gestures similar to what Elisa was doing right now. I had never experienced such affection or concern after my mother had passed and until Elisa turned up.
Then again, it wasn't right to say that there had been affection specifically towards me. There had definitely been genuine concern for my wellbeing. Elisa was caring and concerned for everyone around her, though that rational explanation had done nothing to quell this growing intrigue of her along with the increasing worry that she would lose her life and I would not see her or her smile again, let alone hear her voice or be on the receiving end of her care and concern.
I cursed under my breath as I mounted my horse while my mind wandered to unnecessary thoughts again. I, of all people, did not have the right to expect care or concern from anyone, not after all the lives I had taken. Not only had I killed people while underground, but I had killed many humans in their Titan forms and lead thousands more to their deaths because of my incompetence as a fighter. I would continue to lead more to their deaths while fighting Titans in the future with nothing more than foolish belief that there was a good reason for this madness.
The emptiness in me was unbearable sometimes, but a man like me who had only sinned time and again and would only continue to do so even in the future, until the very end, did not deserve anything even close to love. My decisions had been wrong over and over again, resulting in death and heartache for those around me – I was pathetic for that, even more so because I always told myself that I would not regret any of my decisions despite the brutal consequences every time. I was a monster that did not deserve anything kind, and I didn't need anything or anyone kind either. This was how it had been for as long as I could remember, and this was how it should be going further.
Besides, I did not want or need any sort of attachment – there was no sense in that in this world where everyone was only standing on the tip of a knife, not knowing when they'll fall to their deaths.
A mix of a scoff and a laugh escaped me because of my thoughts. Even the man who had saved me from that underground shit hole I had thought I would die in as a child had abandoned me. There was no way anyone would bother with me any more than necessary, even more because of the shitty attitude I had with everyone around me.
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