The Carmen Chronicles: Rebirth

Chapter 13: The Experiment

Five days, seven hours and twenty-two minutes. That's how long it had been since my last hunt, and I was already suffering. The fourth family dinner at Babington Cottage had been over two weeks ago, and still I thought about the immortal that had fed on the local man, sending the entire village into a panic. Who was it, did they live close by, like me? Were they, perhaps, just passing through? I desperately wanted to meet them, they could teach me all they know about this life. I would have someone, a friend, perhaps, I would no longer be alone for the rest of my days. I hated to admit it, because alone time was something I craved as a human in the Moreno mansion, but now that I had it; I disliked it. In the few short years I had lived as an immortal, I discovered that my transformation had produced a shift in the way my brain worked. I thought faster, exponentially faster, my memory was impeccable, there was not a single flaw in my brain and how it worked. Along with a dramatic improvement in my cognitive abilities, I also noticed a radical shift in the intensity of my emotions. Particularly in my first year as a vampire, whenever I felt angry I wanted to flatten an entire forest. I assumed this intense anger was some sort of side-effect of my new nature. Though as I entered my fourth year of immortality, I learned that any emotion I may feel would be at least ten times more powerful than the strongest emotions I had experienced as a human. This proved to be a perilous mix for a vampire who spent the vast majority of her time alone. Every day, I considered all the ways I could do something with my life to make it meaningful, though I would inevitably end up with the same conclusion each time: I was an uneducated woman with no money. I could not read, nor write, only men were accepted at universities, and I had no money to hire a tutor. Though admittedly even if I had money for a tutor, I doubted he would live long enough to teach me anything. I spent each and every sunny day deep inside the cave I had come to call home, carving portraits on the walls with my fingertips. It was the only skill I possessed, I was beginning to develop a sense of pride in the works no one would ever see. In these moments, I was at peace. Everything was okay. Well, almost everything. My bloodlust never left me. No matter how many times I tried to ignore it, how many times I begged myself to think of another way I could satisfy my need for blood, it always had the same ending. Each kill, each feed, another piece of my soul was torn apart, forever. The act of killing had almost become normal to me; something I hated myself for. I looked back on that dark night in the woods of Spain, the night Benedict had changed me. Despite the blurriness of my human memories, I had never forgotten one thing: I said yes. I asked Benedict to change me, to make me like him. I agreed to this life, and now I wondered what the hell I was thinking. I had chosen a life where I must kill others in order to survive.

*

By day nine, the sun had finally disappeared behind the clouds and the rain began to pour. Today was the day I would attempt my experiment. I wanted to be involved in Mary's life, I wanted to see Emily grow up, I wanted John to accept me as a friend. But the one thing all my visits to their home had made me realise; I would always crave their blood. I could not escape what I was, I knew that. But I could try to find sustenance elsewhere. Human food and drink did nothing to satisfy my thirst, my dinners in Babington Cottage had proven that. Anything I ate or drank would sit uselessly in my frozen stomach until I forced it out of my mouth. Blood was what I needed, and if I was no longer going to get my blood from a human, I would turn to the only other species I knew that contained it: animals. The shepherd and his wife had long since left to attend the church service in the village, and as I crossed the land, edging ever closer to the farm, I considered my plan of attack. I had never hunted an animal before, either as a human or a vampire. Would the blood of a single animal be enough to fill me? What if I fed on the entire herd, and it still was not enough? What if their blood did nothing whatsoever to satisfy me? As their rapid heartbeats filled my mouth with venom, I slowed my walk and crouched behind a massive, mud-covered plough. My senses peaked as I watched the flock of sheep grazing without a care in the world, they smelt almost as unappealing as the human food I had been served during my time in Babington Cottage. I scanned the scent of the flock individually; they all smelt the same. Not a single one was even remotely appealing to me.