For Every Missing Shade

Entry 28

I started to second guess my anger. Yes, these people were probably looking for likes and attention for themselves, but that doesn't make it necessarily a bad thing. Even though their action was selfish, more people are bound to know what is happening and make Emma's life, however much shorter, a little bit better.

Death breeds willingness, I concluded, but it doesn't breed sincerity.

Emma walked out of our room with a new vest that covered more layers of athletic clothing. She swapped out her snow pants for a pair of thick yoga pants and replaced the oversized coat with a backpack.

"Okay, what's the plan?" I asked as I gave her a sandwich.

"We're about a two-mile hike from the top of the mountain. It's supposed to have some amazing views from the top, so we're going."

We finished up our food and I got dressed again for the hike. I followed her out the door to the blinding sun outside. At the height of day, while the sun shines off of every mountain slope in the distance, it's hard not to drop your jaw.

"Damn. This is just beautiful," I said.

"She's a beauty, that Mother Nature," she agreed.

The forest looked like something on the other side of the wardrobe in The Chronicles of Narnia. A gentle blanket of snow covered every tree and bush in a way that made it look untouched for years. It was like Emma and I were the first ones here.

It was made for us.

We walked, ate, and drank in silence, admiring the forest around us. The snow quieted the rest of the forest like a blanket. The only noise came from the rush of wind above the treetops. The sky was blue and looked beautiful against the stark white below it.

We stopped a small while out from the peak. There, the trees were becoming thin and most didn't get taller than a couple of feet above my head. The tree-line broke for a small vantage point overlooking the western side of the mountain.

She and I took some self-timed pictures and had a small snowball fight. I picked her up and dropped her in a snowbank, and she shoved a small fistful of snow down my pants. While I was yelling because of the cold, she stopped to look at the mountains again.

I quieted down to look at her. She looked peaceful. A Mona Lisa smile crept across her face and she let out a deep breath. I walked up beside her and looked at the same thing she was.

I agreed. It was something worth smiling about.

"I love you, you know that right?" she asked.

"Just as much as you know that I love you too," I said.

"Well, what if I don't know?"

I kissed her. "Then I'm afraid you must've gone crazy."

A smile flashed across her face. "It's concerning that you might just be finding out that I'm crazy."

She turned and continued walking on the trail. I followed.

Twenty minutes passed and we were trudging up the final couple yards to the top. We finally reached the peak and looked over all of the beauty around us. Unfathomable peaks jutted out of the Earth, their peaks level with my eyes. I felt like a giant.

Emma sat down in the snow and closed her eyes. I looked for tears to come but couldn't find any. She looked calm and collected.

I looked around, mesmerized. Even the wind sounded distant. Something about being on top of a mountain changes things.

"Here, look at this," she said.

She pulled out a folded piece of paper from her jacket pocket and a pencil. It was the list of fifteen things on her bucket list. I watched as she crossed off 3.) Go to the mountains, and 5.) Feel like I'm huge. I held her by my side.