For Every Missing Shade

Entry 18

The receptionist looked taken aback. "And who are you here to see?"

"Emma McKenzie. She just got admitted. I need to be back there with her."

She calmly looked through her records. Like she couldn't understand what I was asking. Like she lived in a different reality. "I don't see her in the files anywhere yet. So if you would-"

"NO!" I put a hand up , trying to calm down. "Look, I need to go back there. She's alone and probably scared, and I... I just need to get back there."

"Are you a family member or spouse?" she asked.

"I'm her boyfriend. Please, her family's not here yet. I'm her boyfriend." Tears ran down my cheeks. "I need to see her. I'm not her family, but I can call them. I-I'm her boyfriend."

She looked at me longingly. I knew her answer. "I'm sorry," she said.

I didn't walk away at first. I just stood there. I didn't look at the receptionist, and she didn't look at me. I just watched my teardrops collide with her desk. I wondered how many other people have done the same.

My phone vibrated. I took it out.

Mom: I got through to Emma's parents. They're on their way. Keep me updated. I'm so sorry.

I didn't bother to respond. I put my phone back in my pocket and silently thanked the receptionist. I found a seat next to someone with their arm in a sling. On the other side of me was a woman sitting still. She didn't seem to be staring at anything. Just vacant.

I don't know how much time passed before Emma's parents rushed into the waiting room as well. I didn't see them at first because my head was shielded by my hands. But I recognized their frantic voices. I looked up to see them talking with the receptionist. She unlocked the door for them and pointed to what room Emma was in.

The receptionist made eye contact with me for a split second, but quickly looked away. I didn't blame her.

I put my head back into the comfort of my hands. Cold liquid shocked my cheeks for a second, but it was quickly warmed to my skin temperature. It made it easier to pretend it wasn't even there.

--

I've been here for hours. Nurses have offered me food, water, comfort, and lots of other things that wouldn't help right now. I just wanted answers.

A nurse came to my waiting room and interrupted my third hour of watching the second-hand swing around on the clock.

"Israel Taylor, the room is now open for you. Please, follow me."

She led me through the stark white hallways into one of the private rooms on the third floor. I walked in and saw Emma with her mom and dad. When she saw me, she gestured at her parents and they got up from her bedside. As they walked out of the room, her dad placed his hand on my shoulder. "You did the right thing. Thank you."

I nodded and walked over to Emma. "You know, that was the first time I've ever seen your mom. That was also the most words your dad has ever said to me at once."

She laughed a bit as I sat at the foot of her bed.

"Any news?" I said.

"Not yet, they ran a couple of tests. I got x-rays, scans, fluids, the works."

"What did they think it was?"

"At first they thought it might be my appendix. They wouldn't have been surprised about the fainting if it had been this long without being treated, but they don't think it is anymore."