To Find Something True

※ twenty-eight

Seokjin blinked his eyes slowly many times. “Oh, I see,” he said. “Wait, what?” 

********** 

During the lunch break, they had to close the shop to eat together.

Jiah had become more daring with her boss lately. She kept bugging him to have meals with them that day, even promising to get him Tiramisu every day. Of course, the bribe was rejected, and he left with them voluntarily.

That was the first time he sat with them for meals. Unlike other big eaters, he ordered only a small bowl of Ddeokbokki.

He sat in the corner, near the wall, across from his assistant, and on his side was Namjoon. Nothing in his mouth, but food mashed and filled his stomach. A balled fist under his cheek.

“Hoseok,” Jiah called. “Do you want anything?” The entire focus at the table was on him.

He shook his head and said nothing.

“You didn’t eat your breakfast. Ddeokbokki for an empty stomach –”

Jimin and she jumped when he smacked the table and snapped, "I don't want anything."

Jiah began to feel distant. Distant and scared. He was alright that day, but could it have been her fault for forcing him to join them? 

He peered at Jimin and then rolled his eyes. As if he wanted to leave, but he knew he couldn’t as his paths were blocked.

“Hey!” Seokjin called. “She asks nicely. How dare you be harsh on her? What’s wrong with you today?” he exclaimed.

Jiah, beside him, held his hand. He whipped his head at her, seeing she shook her head subtly.

After an hour, they finished their meals. The younger staff headed out after handing their money to Seokjin. Hoseok left after Yoongi. Jiah intended to wait for Seokjin but, she was scared that she and Hoseok might drift apart again.

Her legs moved rapidly toward him and slowed down once she stood him. She noticed he was trying to avoid looking at her. She bent her body a little to see him and then pulled back. A whiny moaned. She said, “I’m sorry.”

Finally, Hoseok glanced at her. “Why?” he asked in a flat tone.

“I know you’re upset. For forcing you to come with us. I’m sorry.”

The loud, playful bickering from the younger ones in front didn’t bother them. No sigh from the man, no chuckle from the woman. Two of the man’s hands shoved into the hoodie pockets instead.

“I wasn’t upset with you,” he said. “I was upset with myself.”

Both of her eyebrows were arched. "Hm? Why?" 

Hoseok exhaled a sigh. “I don’t know,” he said. “My presence was unneeded there. That’s what I think.”

“Why do you think so?”

“I don't know.”                  

Jiah remained silent, thinking for a moment. “Are you uncomfortable with them?" 

A shrug. “I don’t think so. They are talking, joking around. I just can’t keep up with their vibe,” he paused. “I’m their boss. There's a burden in me, though. The burden of not knowing who they truly are. I mean, I’ve heard of their stories. From Seokjin hyung. But with me now, I don’t know. Even Yoongi hyung, the quietest, blends well with them.”

The woman became quiet again.

“Jisoo. The first person I allowed to work with us. She’s Seokjin’s sister and she knows me. Even though she was near me, I didn't trap myself in the office with my sketchbook. Then, Namjoon came, looking for a part-time job. Amber trusted him for his skills, so I agreed to hire him. Then, Taehyung, Jimin, Jungkook, and Wheein joined us.”