Coraline Murphy

51.

They were sat at the grand table in the dining room, almost comically seated a opposite ends. Tommy sipped his coffee, watching as Grace rocked their son in her arms. Charlie had been with them for a few months now, though Tommy still couldn't quite believe that he was there - his own flesh and blood.

"So how is Coraline?"

Grace's question almost made Tommy choke on his coffee, the question coming out as harmless and concerned, if you didn't know the history between the two women.

"She's, er, she's doing well. So Arthur says." Tommy tried to keep his voice level.

"I know you've been going to see her, Tommy," Grace smiled at him, the smile not quite reaching her eyes. "I understand, of course, I do."

He didn't reply.

"But I wonder whether you seeing her is for the best. For her own recovery, I mean."

Tommy scowled. Coraline, in the weeks she'd been in the hospital, was showing much improvement. Her skull x ray came back clear, and she'd not suffered any further seizures or nose bleeds. She was gaining weight slowly, and looking less frail every time he saw her, seemingly despite his visits being bad for her, according to Grace.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," she paused to pick up her tea cup, the fine China held delicately in her hands. "It's not like you parted on the best of terms, is it? And then, whatever happened to her happened. What if she blames you for what happened?"

Tommy felt the heat rising to his cheeks at the accusation. Whilst she was right that he'd caused her pain by having a child with Grace, he knew that deep down, he too wondered whether she thought that.

"I don't want to talk about this, Grace." He stood abruptly.

"It was just a thought," Grace shrugged. "I want only what is best for coraline after all."

He walked to the door. "Are you still going out today?" It was a Saturday, and Grace had made a habit of going to visit a friend on the weekends.

"Yes."

"Right. I'll be in my office. Have Francis get Charlie ready for the day, will you?"

"Of course, darling. I'll come and say goodbye before I go."

He grunted the affirmative on his way out.

Tommy's POV

I felt nervous, though I wasn't sure why. I looked at the baby I held in my arms and took a deep, steadying breath before I started to climb the steps into the hospital.

Charlie gazed up at me, his blue eyes a mirror of my own in his chubby little face, and he smiled, calming my nerves.

I made my way to room 78, the interior of which I felt like I knew like the back of my hand after so many days and hours sat in it in silence with Coraline. She still hadn't spoken to anyone, and seemed to spend most of her time staring out of the window from her narrow hospital bed. I'd spoken with the doctor about when she might be discharged, though he wouldn't give me a date.

Knocking on the door, I waited for the answer I knew I wouldn't hear, and felt sadness for the hundredth time at the thought of never hearing that sweet voice again. I pushed it open, and found Coraline fast asleep in her bed, her arms now finally free of casts as her broken bones in her wrists and fingers were deemed healed.

I located the chair in the room that always seemed to be left in a different place depending on who had been to visit her. Arthur left it by the window where he normally sat, looking out with Coraline. John sat by the door, her eternal guard and protector. Polly would sit behind her and brush her hair.

Holding Charlie with one arm, I pulled the chair up to be further down along the bed, and sat down. Within a few moments, Charlie was displeased with being so still, and started crying loudly.

I tried my best to calm him, rocking him as Grace had shown me to do, but Coraline stirred almost immediately, always on guard even in her sleep.

She awoke quickly, her eyes opening wide at the sight of me holding Charlie. I realised I was holding my breathe, anxious suddenly that the presence of my son, who's unwitting entry to the world had set in motion a string of awful events for Coraline would cause her upset.

Instead, she slowly pushed herself up on her skinny elbows, and rearranged the pillows behind her so that would be sitting up against them, rather than laying flat. She pulled the blankets up around her, shivering a little at the cold, and watched me try to soothe my son.

I continued to rock him, but Charlie's cries grew louder, and I feared it would disturb the rest of the patients in the nearby vicinity.

To my amazement, I noticed Coraline hold out her arms, hesitantly, towards me.

"You want to hold him?" I asked her. She didn't reply, but held my gaze.

Carefully, I held Charlie out to her, mindful of the tubes and needles stoll in her arms, and she took him from me and cradled him gently in her thin arms, moving to hold him against her chest. My hands brushed against hers as I handed him over, and for the first time, she didn't flinch at the touch.

She wasn't looking at me anymore. Instead her gaze was fixed intently on Charlie, who in turn, stopped crying and stared up at her. A chubby hand reached up to hold onto one of the brown curls that had fallen forwards. She moved a hand to gently stroke his head, her fingers brushing the fine, soft hair on his scalp.

And then she turned to look at me, and for the first time since I'd seen her, the first time in almost a year, she smiled at me. A sad, teary smile, that seemed to hold a mix of pride, devastation, and absolute adoration. I knew at that moment that she loved my son, and held no resentment against him whatsoever.

"Coraline, I.." my voice was gruff and I cleared my throat. "People keep telling me that you must blame me for what happened to you. And if you do, I completely understand. But whether you blame me or not, I need you to know how sorry I am. About what happened with Grace, about what happened to you when you disappeared. Everything. I blame myself - how can I not? I don't know how to fix it, or make it up to you. I fix everything, Rory, anything. But I can't fix this, can I? I can't fix you...

I... I love you, Rory. Please, please tell me. Is what happened to you because of me? If it is, and you never want to see me again, I'll go. Itll break my fucking heart, but I'll go, and you'll never have to see me again..."

I felt a hand reaching for mine, and looked at her earnest blue eyes.

"Coraline, do you hate me?"

It was her first communication since we found her, and the first time i felt true relief. She shook her head.