Keep Me Warm (Niall Horan)

Chapter 34. Save you.

So, here you have chapter 34 guysssssssss! Thanks for reading, voting and commenting, it really means a lot!

And the dedication this time goes to... @razzthekid10, because she always makes us laugh and because she's a bit obsessed with 'the box' thing! haha well, honestly the dedication goes to you because this chapter is all about it! :) #ValueForMoney #TwoBoxesForThePriceOfOne

We hope you all like it, because we love you all sooooooo much! Enjoy :) xxx

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'I can tell, I can tell how much you hate this,

and deep down inside you know it's killing me.

I can call, wish you well and try to change this,

but nothing I can say would change anything.

Where were my senses? I left them all behind. Why did I turn away, away?

I wish I could save you, I wish I could say to you,

I'm not going nowhere.

I wish I could say to you, it's gonna be alright (...)

Went away 'cause I didn't want to face the truth'.

I sighed and came home. Leigh and Nate were all cuddled up on the couch.

“Hey”, I said, both of them looking at me.

“Hey. Maddie you could’ve told us you weren’t coming back for the weekend”.

“I’m sorry, Leigh, I know I told you I’d only be in Bolron for a couple of days, but noww that things are back to normal and my father is finally gone for good, I just felt like staying there a bit longer”.

“I get it, but you could’ve told me, I’ve called you a hundred times”.

“I know, but I turned off my phone”.

“Alright”.

I sighed once more and headed to my room. I saw a big box on my bed and then went back to the living room.

“Leigh, what’s that box?”

“I don’t know, Harry gave it to me the day you left”.

“Oh”.

I entered my room and locked the door. I sat on my bed and opened that box. I saw some t-shirts inside and I took them out. That was when I realized who the box was from and why it was in my room.

It was my Christmas present. All of the t-shirts I had slept with and the ones I always liked. Underneath the t-shirts I found some pictures we had taken some weeks ago at his place. I also found the Bruce Springsteen album, that one he bought the day he first kissed me. When I had taken everything out of the box I found a sheet of paper folded in two. It was a letter from him.

Dear Maddie,

I’m not writing for you to get back to me, I’m not even writing this for you to forgive me, because I don’t deserve it. I’ve been for hours in front of this sheet of paper, just thinking of what to write, and I still haven’t come up with anything. I know it was me who messed things up, and I’m sorry Maddie, I honestly am. It’s been days since I last went out of my house, just because I miss you, and I can’t help but spend all my time thinking of you. You know something? Sometimes I think it would’ve been better if we had kept on hating each other as we did when we first met, or to just be friends. I also think that maybe I shouldn’t have taken you to Mullingar. But despite all my thoughts, I regret nothing. If this happened this way, if what we had is now over, it is for a reason, isn’t it? Maybe we weren’t meant to be together, maybe destiny has something different for us, or maybe it just didn’t work. But I’m glad I can say that we tried it, at least. After all, you left all your fears behind, you put your trust in me, and that’s what matters.

 I can’t say I won’t be able to get over this, or that I won’t fall in love again, because I don’t know. You never know what tomorrow may bring, Maddie. Maybe in a few years you’ll be the mother of my children, or maybe we’ll be just a couple of strangers. I don’t know, I swear I don’t have a clue about what’s next.  I’m just sure of one thing, I love you Maddie, I truly do. And I’ve done so ever since the day I met you. Maybe I didn’t say it a lot, but I think I have showed it to you, and at the end of the day, that’s what matters. It feels weird to be without you around. I had already got used to you, to your gestures and faces, to your eccentricities and extravagancies, to your songs, to your frustrations and your anger…

This Christmas was supposed to be especial. I was going to ask you to spend it with me. But I’ll have to spend it in Mullingar instead, on my own. Take your time to think, think if you want to trust in me again or not. And after some time, we’ll speak about this, and you’ll tell me what you decided in the end, and I’ll tell you what I feel once more. We can be just friends, if that’s what you want, or we can be together again, everything is up to you. Thanks for all the moments we spent together, thanks for making me so happy in so little time.

Niall xxx

When I finished reading it I felt the tears falling down my cheeks. I wiped them away and lifted my head up. I smiled. We’d had the same idea for our Christmas presents. I looked at the words on my wall, and the tears came back to me. I heard someone opening the door of my room and sitting next to me.

“Speak to him once and for all, Maddie”, I heard Leigh said.

Niall’s POV

I arrived home and opened the door. I left my stuff in my room and went to the living room. There I found a box with a piece of paper on it.

-I took the box to Maddie’s. Leigh gave me this, I guess it’s Maddie’s Christmas present for you. Speak to her. Harry xx-

I put the paper aside and opened the door. Inside of it I found all the t-shirts and hoodies she’d borrowed from me. There was also an album with all of the pictures we’ve ever taken. I looked at all of them, my smile not leaving my face. I also found a folder. I opened it and took all of the sheets of paper that were inside. They were all the songs she’d written, the ones she never wanted to show to me. Finally, I took an envelope. A letter. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself, we’d had the same idea.

Dear Niall,

I’ve been sitting at my desk for hours, staring at the ‘Keep Me Warm’ inscription you wrote on my wall that day. To be honest, I don’t know what to say and I can’t find the words to express what I feel. I know you love me, and I know I love you too. And I don’t know what the problem is, I don’t know what’s wrong with me nor why I haven’t apologized yet for how stupid I was. I know you didn’t do what you did on purpose, but understand me, I put all my trust in you and, somehow, you let me down. But I was wrong, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I shouldn’t have left the way I did, without trying to work things out. I should’ve told you how I feel about you, but I just rubbed things in that weren’t even true instead. I haven’t stopped loving you since that day, and now you may be wondering why I haven’t said that to you face to face. I don’t know, I haven’t been brave enough to pop up at your place and tell you that I love you Niall, because that’s the one and only truth. Give me some time to think about this, about how I want us to be and how I want myself to be right now. I just need to think, because I’m a shitty mess right now.

I hope you liked my Christmas present, it’s not too much, but we agreed to keep it simple. I put all the pictures of us since we started dating and all the t-shirts and hoodies you lent me and I never gave back. I also included the folder with each and every song I’ve ever written to you. Do whatever you want to do with them, they belong to you.

Thanks for everything Niall. Thanks for loving me the way you did. 

Always yours,

Maddie x

I smiled to myself, trying to hold the tears in. I put the things back inside the box and heard the doorbell ringing. I got up and what I saw when I opened the front door really caught me by surprise.

“Shall we speak?”, she said.