Hello, Goodbye

Chapter Thirty-Two

She woke up in the morning to the sound of light snoring beside her and was a little confused to find Zeke's arm around her waist, holding her close. Then she remembered what they'd done the night before, and she smiled, turning over carefully so she could look at him. He seemed so peaceful in his sleep. His face was pressed into the pillow, his arm resting under his head, and his mouth was hanging open ever so slightly. There was a little drool on the pillow, but she wouldn't hold that against him. In fact, she thought it was really cute. She stroked his bouncy blonde curls lightly, remembering how she'd twisted her fingers in his hair the night before. She half expected him to make some sort of movement at her touch. But he didn't. He must've been in a deep sleep. Or else he just slept really hard. She didn't know. It was the first time she'd ever slept with him.

After a few minutes, she got up quietly and threw on a t-shirt and a pair of ripped up shorts, then went into the kitchen to take stock of what she had. There were eggs and some pancake mix, and even a little bit of orange juice left in the fridge. Her stomach growled with hunger, so she decided to start cooking breakfast even though he wasn't awake yet. She grabbed her phone and put some music on, and then she got to work. She was worried at first that the music might wake him, but he slept right through the sound.

She checked the time and saw it was only eight in the morning. And a feeling of dread washed over her as she remembered that, in less than twelve hours, she would be having a very uncomfortable dinner with her mother. What would she tell her? Should she bring up the journal? Was there even a point? The affair had happened so long ago. And it wasn't like her mom had kept the relationship with Ed going. Unless he was the reason why she left the island. Somehow, Emersyn doubted that. Someone would've found out her dirty little secret if that had been the case. So the affair ended at some point before her dad died. She just wondered when. And more than that, she wondered if she even wanted to know the truth.

Her mom said they had things they had to unpack. Things that had to be discussed in person. She wasn't wrong, Emersyn thought, as she poured the pancake batter into the buttered pan, enjoying the sizzling sound it made. There was a lot to unpack. Twelve years of trauma caused by abandonment. Tack on another four years of feeling like an inadequate daughter. And then there was that horrible argument. Those ugly words shared between the two of them in the heat of the moment. Words she'd tried so hard to forget since returning to the island, and yet somehow they still tortured her. Haunting her in the middle of the night as she tried to sleep.

Was there any hope that their relationship could be fixed? Emersyn considered this as she flipped a pancake. She wanted to believe it was possible, but she didn't have much faith in her mom. After all, hadn't she already tried to convince her to return to the city and go back to school? Emersyn sighed heavily, shaking her head at nobody but herself. Her mother just didn't get her at all. And she seriously doubted she ever would. So what was the point of this dinner? And what would she do if they broke out into another argument?

Leave, she told herself. Get up and leave the restaurant. Don't let there be a scene. If things start to turn ugly, then move on. No more letters. That would be it. It may not be the closure she wanted, but it was closure. And no matter what, she knew somehow she would have her closure at dinner. Whichever way it went. There were so many different directions their talk could go, and she just couldn't see any of them heading in the right one. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest as she checked the time again. She'd already been up for almost an hour. Time was moving so fast, and she knew the day would fly by. Because that was how time worked. If you were dreading something, it moved faster and without apology. So rude.

She heard footsteps behind her as she began dishing up the pancakes and eggs she'd cooked up, and she smiled, allowing all thoughts of her mom and the impending dinner to fade from her mind. "Hey," she said as he stumbled into the room and plopped down lazily at her small kitchen table. "Good morning. I, um... I made us breakfast."