Hello, Goodbye

Chapter Thirty-One

She felt like she was in a fairytale. Everything in her life was falling into place in the best possible way, and for the first time in years, she was happy. She had fallen so completely in love with Zeke that he was all she could think about. And it meant so much to her that he got along so well with all the important people left in her life. Kiel adored him, Avery and Axel accepted him easily into their friend group, and Doris and Gabe embraced him as a new member of their extended church family. All was well. So well, in fact, that she had all but forgotten about the letter she'd sent to her mom a couple weeks before.

It was on a Thursday night, after sharing a last meal with Zeke and Kiel before Kiel left to visit his parents in Spokane for a few days, that she came home to find someone standing on her front step. It took her a few moments before she saw who it was, and when she did her heart fell into her stomach. Her mother was waiting by her front door, and Emersyn considered turning around. But her mom had seen her, and really, hadn't she asked for this? She'd sent the letter, after all. So clearly, she'd wanted a response. She'd just thought it would come in the form of another letter, if it came at all.

She walked up the steps slowly, and she suddenly felt like a child who was about to be punished. Her mom's face was totally blank, and as Emersyn approached, she finally saw what everyone had been saying the whole time. Despite what she'd seen in the picture of her parents and Kiel together earlier in the summer, she really did look more like her dad. Her mom had long dark hair and deep brown eyes that looked sunken in from lack of sleep and years of drug use. Her skin was pale, and in the moonlight she looked like a porcelain doll. Emersyn was too freckled for that, especially since she'd just spent most of the summer outdoors.

"Hi," Emersyn said when she reached her front door.

"Hello," her mom said shortly, and again Emersyn felt like she was in trouble.

They stared at each other for a few moments, neither one sure what to say to the other. And then Emersyn sighed and said, "Do you want to come in?"

Her mom glanced at the front door, and a sad look crossed her face. "Sure. Yes, I...," she trailed off, taking a deep breath. "I would love to come in. Thank you."

Emersyn opened the door and let her mom in, following just behind her. And it occurred to her that her mom hadn't been back to the island since her dad had died. She wondered if her mom was thinking about that too. She looked around the house and was glad she'd actually taken the time to clean before she'd gone to Kiel's house for dinner. "It looks the same," her mom said, and Emersyn beamed with pride.

"Thanks," she replied. "I haven't changed much." She paused, thinking about the double meaning of what she'd just said. "I mean the house. I haven't changed much of the house." But she herself had changed, hadn't she?

Her mom nodded. "I know. It looks great."

Emersyn's heart pounded in her chest, and she felt all the anxiety about her mom wash over her once again. She pictured the old journal lying under her pillow on her bed in her mind, and she felt a pang in her chest. Meanwhile, her mom was walking around the living room, taking in all the trinkets her grandma had collected over the years that were still decorating the house. Her mom stopped at a shelf with a picture on it. With a tiny twitch of her lips, her mom reached for the picture and picked it up, examining it like a scientist would a specimen. It was a picture of her dad when he was a teenager. One Emersyn had always liked. Her mom stared at the picture for several moments, stroking it softly with one finger before placing it back on the shelf.

The silence was painful, and Emersyn couldn't stand it any longer. "Um... are you hungry?" she asked, because she was desperate to fill the quiet with some noise.