Blood

Twenty Three

It took a while for us to return to the hotel. Jasper and Kyle took a long and complicated route, just to make sure that we weren't followed. We walked into the hotel lobby and everyone was waiting in the bar, seated at tables. Some had work out in front of them, but all attention went to us as we entered. I froze and Eli gave me a look as he walked over to Richard who was watching me, discreetly passing him the knife I had used to kill the man.

"Daisy," Jasper said to me quietly. He hadn't left my side. I didn't look at him, I didn't even acknowledge him talking to me.

Eli returned to us and took my hand, pulling me away from my brother and our friends. We made it to our room where Eli leant me against the sink in the bathroom and reached for a flannel, running it under the tap and then turning to me. He brushed it against my face gently, cleaning away what I assumed was blood splatters that had reached me even though I had looked away.

He threw the flannel to the side and placed his hands on the sink, either side of my waist, trapping me against him. I stared at his chest. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see the expression on his face.

"Daisy," he whispered. I couldn't work out the emotions in his voice. "Hey." Familiar hands clasped my chin and he tilted my head up, frowning at me. "Princess, talk to me."

"I have nothing to say."

He brushed his thumb under my eye and sighed as he kissed my forehead. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"No."

"Tell me. Because I know you're thinking all kinds of horrible things about yourself and I need you to tell me so I can help you understand that you are none of the things you think you are."

"I can't be normal," I said. I didn't even recognise my own voice. I felt broken. "Can I? We can never be normal."

Eli didn't say anything, he just watched me.

"I'm a mess, Eli."

"You're not."

"I'm a killer. I feel no remorse. No guilt. I'll never think about those two people I just killed again. It won't keep me up at night, watching the life drain out of them. I won't ever feel bad. I never have." I felt a tear slide down my cheek. "I'm not a good person, Eli. I hate that's who I am. A cold hearted killer."

"You are a good person," he murmured, wiping away my tear. "You are not cold hearted."

"I promised myself," I croaked. "I promised I wouldn't kill again and it took less than a minute for me to break that promise. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with you," he said firmly. "Princess, you don't feel guilty when you end a life of someone bad. That's okay. Do you think I give a shit that I just killed those three men? I couldn't care less. That does not make us messed up."

"A normal person would care."

"We've lived in a world that isn't normal for far too long to change the way we think deep down," he breathed. "I'm sorry you had to go back on your word. I am so sorry. I wish you weren't feeling this right now. I wish you could be normal, I wish you didn't have to destroy yourself inside by living this life. I wish I could do something."

"You're a good person, Eli. I don't know if I ever will be."

Eli's eyes hardened. "Princess, you do not get to call me a good person if you're calling yourself a bad one. We've both committed horrendous acts in this world. We're both in this together. You don't get to put me on a pedestal when we view the world the same. You're not alone in this."

"I don't know what to do," I whispered. "This isn't working, Eli. It's all fucked up."

He brushed his lips over mine. "We'll get through it. Together."