Stray Kids One Shots

someone else - Jisung *angst*

Dear Jisung

Have you been well? I know it's been a while since I've written, and I'm really sorry for it. Truth is

...

I paused, trying to think of a way to say this that wouldn't hurt as much. It would, and I knew it, there was no way around it, but actually admitting it was something no amount of time to think it over could prepare me for.

I've found someone else.

There. I wrote it.

Do you remember? How you always told me to move on when it was over? With the biggest smile on your face, the same loving eyes you always held when you looked at me, so endearingly, you told me to find happiness, as if you didn't know that that would always be you.

I could already the tears welling up, but I couldn't cry now. I didn't want the paper to get wet. I was supposed to be happy now, he couldn't know how much I missed him still.

You know the spot we always went to? The hidden part of the lake, behind the bushes? With the cute ducklings? I hope you don't mind, but I showed him the spot. I couldn't bare to tell him it was our thing. We haven't even known each other for that long, only a month or two really. And yet I felt an instant click with him, maybe even close to the way I felt with you.

Tissues... Where did I leave the tissues again? I glanced around my apartment, only to see the mess it was still in. Even after a year I couldn't bare to clean it up.

We aren't dating yet, I don't think I'm ready to be dating again, but maybe I'll finally get over you this time, like you always said I would.

The tears were already flowing down, crashing on the paper.

Who am I kidding? I miss you. I miss you so, so much. Every time I look at him, I see your face. Every time I listen to him talk, I imagine your voice. Every single accidental touch, I wish it was you to feel, you to hold. I miss you Jisung, and I don't think I can do this anymore. Every single day, I wake up only to wish you were there, next to me, like the old days.

I'm so scared. I'm terrified that if I fall in love again, I'll just lose that person too. I don't want to get my heart broken again, especially when it's by far not healed from the scars you left me with. I want to blame you for everything, I want to hate you, curse at you, wish we never met, and yet I can't, no matter how hard I try. I still love you, and I don't think I will ever stop loving you. It hurts so much to not have you by my side anymore.

If I knew this was how it would end, I would have said yes. In a heartbeat. I wouldn't have waited until we were older, or financially stable, or until we finished college. I would have run away with you, spend every second we had together with you, living for you. I think that is my biggest regret in life. Not sharing your last name with you. And now, no matter how much I want to, I can never do so anymore.

I finally cracked a smile through the tears.

You decorated our spot so beautifully even. The rose petals, the fairy lights. You even put on my favorite song, the one that we always used to slow dance on. The simple way you took me by the hand, asking me to marry you in such a tender way. And I said no. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for it. No matter how important it all seemed back then, I realize now nothing was more important than being by your side.

But how was I supposed to know those weeks would be our last? Had only you told me, I would have done so much more with you. Had you finally let me in on your worries, on your pain, on your sickness, I wouldn't have been away with friends so often. Jisung, I am so, so sorry. I can only hope you'll forgive me, even when I can't forgive myself.

I shot up upon hearing the doorbell ring. Was it 7pm already? I looked up, quickly wiping the tears away with my fingers. I probably looked like a mess right now.

I'm really sorry Jisung.

Love,

Y/N

I signed it off with.

"I'm coming!" I shouted, rushing to put my shoes on with one hand in the process of hurrying to the door. I opened it, seeing Hyunjin all ready, holding a bouquet of roses out. "I thought you might like these," he beamed with a loving smile. He always gave me roses. "That's so sweet of you, thank you so much," I thanked him taken them from him. "If you give me just a second I'll put them in a vase. I'll be right back," I added, already rushing back inside. On the way back I gave the letter one last glance, picking it up after all.

"If you don't mind, could we stop by the columbarium?" I asked, receiving a bit of a shocked expression, which he quickly tried to hide. "There's a letter I want to place there. It might sound a little stupid, but I sometimes hope it'll still be read, even when the person isn't here anymore. Hyunjin's expression softened as he held my free hand, giving me a simple nod. "Somebody you knew?"

"Something like that, yeah."