The Color of Hate

Chapter 2

I haven't slept all night. I haven't eaten anything in two days and mom is currently in my room giving me the third speech this day about how nothing was my fault.

I am tired, but I sit in bed all day. I am hungry, but I'm not planning to eat. I am broken and I don't plan to put the pieces back.

,,Come on Esma, come downstairs and eat dinner. The detective will be here in a bit.'' mom suggests. I finally give in, too tired to fight back anymore. All I thought about last night was my dad. His eyes still open, his wound still bleeding, his gun still in his hand. My dad was a horrible man, for sure not the best father, but not the worst either. But that doesn't mean he had to do this. That doesn't mean he had to die. My father could have changed, but he chose dying as a horrible man instead of living as a good one.

I don't have many memories with dad, or not many good ones at least. I remember he once took me and Lucas to the movies, but then he said we were too loud in the cinema room and a kid shouldn't be so undisciplined, he said that we disappointed him. Then he dragged us out of the cinema room and drove home; He never really physically abused us. I think he was afraid that mom would leave him if he hurt us, but I don't think she would have ever done that. There were things that he was deeply good at though. Like emotional abuse, shouting, anger, slamming doors, breaking glasses or plates and throwing chairs.

Before coming downstairs, I went to the bathroom and took a cold shower. I was thinking that maybe the cold water would help freeze the time, or maybe turn it back, perhaps it'll help freeze my feelings, my heart. But it didn't, it just slowed my heart rate, relaxed me. But it didn't shut things off. Not permanently.

                                             
I come downstairs to seeing my mom set up plates for me and Lucas. She cooked meatball spaghetti, dad's favourite. Father's chair is still there, beside Lucas, empty. But it's still there, probably unmoved since he died. My mom has been really weird since that night, she has been grieving him of course, but she never told us how she found him. Lucas said he kept asking her but she just said that she's not ready to tell the story yet.

,,So, who's the person that's going to question us?'' Lucas asks mom.

,,He's a new detective in town, his name is Theo. I looked over recommendations and he's a really good detective and criminologist.''

,,Maybe he'll make you talk and say how you actually found dad'' I say under my breath. Lucas gives me a weird look, suggesting for me to stop.

,,Well, I'm sorry I can't act every minute since I found him dead, Esma.'' mother argues.

I'm about to answer but the doorbell rings, and I go to open the door. I see a dark-haired man, probably in his forties, with a police badge on his jacket.

,,Hello, I am detective Theo Matisse, are you Daisy Bennet?'' the man questions, in a French accent.

,,Hey. No, I am Esma Bennet, her daughter.''

,,Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you Esma, may I come in?''

,,Sure'' I say, making room for him to enter.

He introduces himself to mom and Lucas, and then he takes mom into another room to interview her first. Mom stays a while in there, and I could swear I heard them laughing once or twice.

,,So, how are you Es?'' Lucas says, trying to break the silence and stop me from hearing everything mom and mister Matisse talk.

,,I've been better. I'm really scared for this school year, news spread a little too fast in this stupid town and I can't hike and hide in the woods all school year anymore. Besides, being a junior in high school isn't the greatest thing. I learned from the best'' I say, giving him a smirk.

,,I mean, I'm just preparing you, maybe your junior experience would be better than mine. And let's be honest, Woodstock isn't so bad, like imagine living somewhere where there are no woods? Nightmare for you probably.'' he pointed out, already smiling at the thought of me living in a big city.

I start laughing, for the first time in what feels like years. I haven't laughed with my brother way before dad's death, we really grew apart lately, and I know I never should have expected us to have a perfect bound forever, but since he's leaving for college soon, I was thinking that maybe he wanted to spend more time with me. I know it sounds a little selfish, it hasn't even been a week since my dad's death, but I feel like his death put my relationship with Lucas back on track.

Lucas starts telling me about all the colleges he applied too and how he's waiting for an answer from most of them, he tells me about his dream college, his dream career, his dream family. He finally opens up. And for a few minutes I almost forget about my father, my mom in there with the detective, everything.

But then the door opens.

,,I'll go make some coffee and then you are next, Esma.'' mom says getting out of the room with Theo.

I get my cup of coffee and prepare myself to go in. But right before, mom stops me. ,,I promise you sweetie, everything will be okay.'' mom stated, cupping my face with both hands.

,,Promises are the sweetest lies, mother.'' I say entering the room, not giving her time to reply.
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