Heartstrings (Ushijima x Reader)

Chapter fifteen

It had been a month since the fight.

They had avoiding each other, not even pronouncing a word when they were forced to be together.

Silent when walking to school and silent when walking home.

She stopped going to his practices since then, just as he stopped helping her with the lifting work with the newspaper.

It was their first real fight. Not the ones they used to have over the tv control, or the discussions about who goes to buy groceries. They've never had problems at all.

She liked to think of it as a detox. She could be focused on what she truly wanted now that her brother wasn't aside all the time.

She finished homework faster and was able to do much more than before. Her grades seem to have become even better, and she was leaning how to crochet.

It seemed like her life was put together after all.

But inside she felt so miserable.

She missed him, probably more than he missed her.

It was the first time she felt his coldness and indifference, treating her like if she was nothing to him.

Somehow that void that she felt in her chest was filled whenever she saw Ushijima. He would often bring her little things to see her smile, he would make her laugh with his aloofness and most importantly, make her forget about her brother.

But the thought of forgetting about Toruu when she was with the guy that he hated the most was just making her feel worse.

She knew it wasn't worth it. And she knew that it wasn't going to last long anyways.

***

"Why are you acting like that?" Ushijima asked, his brows narrowing together.

To stop everybody suffering, she knew what she had to do. For now, a while, she started to act coldly towards Ushijima, push him away, far enough so that he would lose every bit of interest in her and consequently, not get hurt.

Or at least that's what she thought.

She hated herself for doing it, it was just making her feel worse, but she felt like it was the only way to prevent any more damage to both. The thought of hurting Ushijima made her heart ache, but the thought of hurting her brother hurt just as much. She felt trapped and hopeless, but she knew that she had to go through with it, no matter how much it pained her.

"Like what?" she said, her voice monotone.

Ushijima looked at her, waiting for an answer. She shifted uncomfortably, feeling like she was caught in a trap. She couldn't tell him the truth, not now, not ever. She had to stick with it. But the sole thought of losing him, of losing the only person who made her feel happy, made her chest ache.

"I'm just tired," she shrugged her shoulders, her voice devoid of emotion. "I have a lot of stuff going on right now."

Ushijima's brows furrowed with concern as he searched her eyes for answers. "I understand. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know." Ushijima nodded, accepting her explanation, but she could sense his confusion, his desire to help, but she knew there was nothing he could do. This was her burden to bear, her mess to clean up.

As they reached her house, she said a quick goodbye and went inside, avoiding his gaze. The ache in her chest intensified, knowing that she was causing him pain.

Love and guilt battled tearing her heart. She loved Ushijima deeply, but she couldn't allow herself to be with him, not at the expense of her brother's happiness.

She knew what she had to do, but the thought of hurting Ushijima was too much to bear. She loved him, but she couldn't be with him.

She wiped away her tears, took a deep breath, and made a promise to herself that she would do whatever it takes to make things right, even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness.