Metanoia

Chapter 5

Six days later

Without the pain killers the hospital gave me the pain has been unbearable. The only time my body isn't in complete agony is when I'm completely still and considering I spend the majority of my day outside that doesn't happen very often.

Despite everything, today started off good. Someone signed my cast! 

I look down at it, a smile gracing my lips as I think about the friend I made today. A new boy who's only a year older than me was moved in yesterday and he was really nice to me.

It's really hard for me to make friends because I don't talk, nobody wants to be friends with the little mute girl. Although I have Bear I often crave human interaction, which I only receive from Mrs Gail. 

I met Mrs Gail, a sweet elderly lady, or Norah as she always reminds me to call her, two years ago.

I was chasing Bear, who was just a puppy at the time around when he jumped into the lake behind her house. Panicking I obviously went in after him and when I climbed out the lake, drenched head to toe, she was there looking down at me, laughing at the state I was in.

She offered to let me dry off in her little cottage while she made me tea. 

We talked for hours, I told little bits about my life whilst being careful not to reveal anything alarming and she told me about hers. She told me about how she only has one daughter who is forty now, how she spends her days looking after the cows and sheep she owns and how she struggles to get out and about.

Ever since that day it's become tradition that every Sunday I walk up the dusty, desolate road with Bear to her little cottage and farm to bring her some necessities from the city. I stay for tea and we catch up on the events of our weeks. 

Considering she's the only person I talk to I always have a lot to say.

She completely spoils me, giving me clothes that belonged to her daughter or vintage flower dresses she wore in her youth. A year ago she gave me her old cd player and a couple of cds so I could listen to music, subsequently causing my unhealthy addiction to The Beatles and The Smiths.

Every Sunday she gives me twenty euros for helping with the animals which goes towards new paints, canvas or books when needed. The only three things that keep me sane is painting, journaling and reading. I wouldn't make it through the week without at least one. I also dabble in pottery and croquette but I soon realised that they were much too expensive hobbies to maintain.

As I lift my hand to knock on the door my eyes land on the pink sheet of paper taped to it which read 'Darcy- doctors appointment in the city, won't be back until nine - see you next Sunday' followed by an 'Xoxo' at the bottom of the page.

I attempt to open the door anyway, hoping I could just chuck her groceries in the hallway as the bag was starting to hurt my already bruised arm but to no avail, it's locked. 

I sigh, turning around and noticing it's started to rain.

I realise I can't leave the bag outside so I reach around, taking off my backpack and shoving as much that could fit into it, careful not to squish my paints.

Not wanting to waste the trip here, I decide that I'll treck through the thick forest to the lake. I can spend the rest of the day reading and relaxing by the water before I return home. I call out to Bear who is running through the fields surrounding Mrs. Gail's house chasing ducks. Hearing my call he immediately comes running. 

I scratch his ears for being such a good boy and make my way through the forest, hopping and skipping over numerous tree roots and branches. 

After a while I make it through the last group of trees, reaching the lake. 

The sun is setting, tinting the sky orange and pink and reflecting back onto the lake. The scene before me is so beautiful I can't help but try and recreate it on my canvas.

I pull out my paints, spending a solid two minutes trying to choose between watercolour and acrylics before setting my backpack against a tree, using it as a pillow.

I spend the next few hours painting, my skin turning slightly blue as I had dressed in a short white flowy dress paired with my beat up, falling apart converses not expecting the sudden change of weather. It was now pouring down and slightly hailing, the tree that has been providing me with shelter was now struggling from keeping it from pelting on my head.

I pack up my stuff and make my way out of the forest, my shoes trudging along the now muddy ground. 

Through the rain I'm able to spot Mrs Gails house in the distance. 

I know she'll be asleep by now but I was tempted to wake her up to drop off the items I got her which are currently weighing down my back and maybe even possibly asking for a ride. 

Knowing I'd feel too guilty, I decide against it, heading to the dirt road.

It's now just past midnight and I have an hours walk back home. I'm worried about being late because Calvin and the rest of the carers were dead set on not touching me, terrified that they'd actually kill me this time.

While walking down the deathly silent road, lit only by the moonlight above Bear takes off running for no apparent reason. "Where are you going!" I giggle whilst shouting at him, fully aware that I'm talking to myself.

Being out here is the only time I feel comfortable enough to talk. Nobodies out here to hear or judge me.

I take off running down the dirt road after him, my backpack repeatedly slamming into my back. The heavy rain and huge pelts of hail come crashing down but I don't care as I begin to laugh for no reason. There's something euphoric about running in the rain.

Finally, after a tiring walk we make it back to the orphanage.

I walk around the back to go through my window, almost slipping numerous times on the wet ground. Refusing to leave Bear out here in this weather, I decide I'll risk it and let him sleep in my room tonight.

 One of the perks of having no friends is that the orphanage lets you choose who you share your room with, leaving me completely alone in my tiny box room that would usually have two or three people in it which is very helpful because Bear is a big dog. A big dog that isn't allowed to enter the orphanage so having no roommate prevents the risk of anyone snitching on me.

Despite my complete utter lack of upper body strength, I attempt to lift Bears chubby body into my window. My old Cd player blasting 'This Charming Man' by The Smiths drowns out any and all noise, leaving me completely unaware of the situation that was about to unfold.