Ratneshwari

Chapter 28

When Ratneshwari had slept, Shivan caressed her head and whispered,"I am sorry, Ratna. I am very sorry." He turned to the other side of the bed and cried.

Several days had passed. Things were same between Shivan and Ratneshwari. The platonic relationship was bothering Ratneshwari. Her desires had increased after Shivan touched her that night. There were numerous nights when she woke up after a wet dream. She used to take cold showers at night when it became unbearable for her.

Shivan avoided looking at her as much as possible. He was afraid that he would lose control once again if he looked at her. He wanted to avoid that because it would only add to their miseries.

One day, Ratneshwari was sitting and handpicking stones from rice when she heard the doorbell. She opened the door and found Sheetal standing there. Sheetal said,"Actually I....." Ratneshwari did not listen to her and asked her to enter the house. Shivan was at home. He was sitting in the drawing room when he saw Sheetal.

Sheetal said,"I need to say something to both of you. Actually.....I......I am pregnant with your child, Shivan." Ratneshwari's eyes were wide open in horror. Her worst nightmare had come true. Shivan was shocked. He said,"How can this happen?" Sheetal looked down and said,"That night, you stayed at my place. We got drunk and then you went to your room. I went to see you and then......What is done, is done! The child is Shivan's. Ratneshwari, Shivan loves me. Divorce him and allow him to marry me." Ratneshwari ran towards the bedroom.

Sheetal said to Shivan,"I think I should leave." Shivan did not say anything to her. Sheetal left the house quietly. Shivan was confused. Never ever in his wildest dreams he had thought that, this will be the consequence of his actions. Just then, he remembered what Ratneshwari had told him once.

"If you ever feel like doing the same thing next time, stab me, kill me and then do whatever you want."

He had seen Ratneshwari running towards the bedroom. A chill ran down his spine. He hurried towards the bedroom. He entered through the open door and found the whole room in a mess. Things were scattered here and there. In a corner of the room, Ratneshwari was sitting on the floor and sobbing.

He sat down near her. Ratneshwari looked at him with eyes full of fury.
She said,"Why did you do this, Shiv? Why? Do I deserve this? Is this how you reward someone who has always been loyal to you and has loved you more than anyone else. I loved you more than myself. Then why did you do this? You left me that night, right? You could not touch your wife but you could sleep with her! Tell me Shiv! Am I so incapable of satisfying you that you need to sleep with some other woman behind my back?" Shivan had tears in his eyes. He could not say anything. Ratneshwari started coughing. Shivan rubbed her back. She held his hand and said,"Why did you not kill me before doing this, Shiv? I trusted you with my life. But you....."

Ratneshwari started laughing hysterically and then gradually, the laughter changed and she started crying. She said to him,"I am not beautiful like Sheetal. That's why you don't love me, right? But, is it my fault that I am ugly?"

They sat there silently for sometime. After sometime, Ratneshwari wiped her tears and said calmly,"Get the divorce papers ready. I will leave you. You will be relieved of my burden. That's what you want."

The divorce papers arrived a few days later. It was evening. Shivan took the papers and went to his room. He saw Ratneshwari sitting on the bed. He said,"Ratna, the papers....."

Ratneshwari looked at him and said,"You will never love me, right? Why will you love me anyways? You have your Sheetal and your child. You will love them. I will go. That's what you want." Ratneshwari signed the papers.

About an hour later, Shivan found her packing clothes. After she had finished packing, she said,"I am leaving. I have not taken anything from you. I don't want your jewelleries or clothes or anything else. I am leaving." Shivan said,"Don't go now, Ratna. It is dark. Where will you go now?" Ratneshwari looked at him again and said,"I have to go, Shiv. I cannot stay here."

Ratneshwari was about to leave when Shivan said,"Ratna, you don't have a job. So, about the alimony...." Ratneshwari said sternly,"I don't want your money. If I ever wanted anything from you, then it was your love. But, you will not give that to me. And, does it even matter even if I die? I am already dead. At this time, if my soul leaves my mortal body, then it will be the best thing for me."

Ratneshwari walked towards the gate and looked at Shivan's face for the last time. With tears in her eyes and pain in her heart, she walked away.

Shivan also had tears in his eyes. He wanted to stop her, but there was nothing he could do. He closed the door and cried out loud, perhaps for the first time in years.