Mended

31

Ethan's POV

The next morning, my first stop was Izzy's apartment since I figured it was where I'd find Caleb.

I had believed I was ready to face the two of them until I was standing in front of her door, hesitating before I finally gathered the strength to knock. As I waited, every nerve in my body urged me to turn around and do what I always did best—run. Maybe I would have if it weren't Caleb's face when I'd told him what I had being permanently burned into my retinas.

My only reprieve was Izzy opening the door, but that feeling quickly disintegrated when I saw the way her face dropped as she realized it was me standing on the other side.

"Hey— " I began quietly, but broke off when I noticed what she was about to do. Before she could slam the door shut in my face, I moved. In the blink of an eye, I was inside.

"Get out," Izzy snapped, unconcealed rage simmering in her dark grey eyes. Her hands curled by her sides. "I mean it, Ethan, get out."

"Just listen to me." I held my hands up in surrender, taking a few steps towards her but stopping when I noticed the warning glinting in her eyes.

"I don't care about anything you have to say," she gritted out. "Now get out."

"I'm sorry."

The anger in her gaze burned as brightly as ever, yet I didn't miss the way her eyes began to glisten as she glared at me. "It doesn't matter," she snapped. "Just go."

"I can't," I murmured, hating the way my throat tightened. Exhaling heavily, I briefly shook my head. "I need to fix this, I— "

"You can't fix it!" she yelled, cutting me off mid-sentence as I stared at her, stunned. Fresh tears pooled in her eyes as she glared at me, the hurt in her expression making my chest cave. "Don't you understand? You can't!"

She released a shaky breath.

"You know," she started quietly, her voice choked up. "I always thought that there was nothing in this world you could do that I wouldn't forgive. And maybe that makes me weak, but I still believed that because I like to understand why people are the way they are. It helps me keep my faith that everyone has some good inside of them."

She shook her head, a quiet, lifeless chuckle escaping her lips as she tried to keep her composure.

"And maybe that's not a good way to think because it makes me naive, but it just—it just makes it easier to deal with everything that happened to me, you know? Believing that everyone is capable of doing good and being good lets me keep the hope that things will be okay. That I will be ok," she paused. "And you."

I swallowed hard. "Izzy— "

"But I was wrong," she croaked. "There are things that I can't forgive you for. There are lines that I won't forgive you for crossing and you showed me that, Ethan."

Izzy's face lined with tears, but she did nothing to wipe them away. I wanted to do it myself, but I knew she didn't want me close.

"I believed in you," she whispered and I almost flinched because I heard the unspoken words after that.

And you failed me.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, wondering where all the things that I'd come here wanting to say had gone. I'd had so much I wanted to say; so much more to add to my apology and my promise that things would be different now, but ultimately, none of that ended up mattering. "I'm so fucking sorry."

She ignored me. "And I know I messed up too," she croaked quietly, her voice hoarse. "I'm sorry for that, I really am. But I stopped when I realized what I was doing was wrong. And I regret it more than anything, but...but there is still nothing that could justify what you said to Caleb. Nothing that warranted the way you treated us." Her brows furrowed. "All you had to do was stop and listen, Ethan, but you just...you just reacted."