Serendipity

Chapter 31

"No. And I don't know when she will. Even though she's here physically, I miss her so much. Her smile, her beautiful brown eyes, her teasing, her touch. I don't know how much more..."

"Stay strong, bro. She'll come back to you. The doctors have given her a good prognosis after those first couple days. And since she already woke up once..."

"I know, but it's been nearly a week..."

"Just keep talking to her, let her know you're here with her, waiting for her to come back to you. It'll happen. Let us know if anything changes."

"I will. Thank you, hyung."

"And bro?"

"Yeah?"

"Get some rest. You look like sh*t."

*************

I feel so lost. Drifting alone in the darkness. Wondering where I am. In this void of nothing. Nothing to see. Only echoes of a distant past, and what could've been – a family, a future, happiness... The plaintive cry of a baby. Wishing it was our little flower calling out for me. And my heart breaks more each time. Into tiny shards, piercing. The echoes of my love talking. My rock. My anchor. But still, I feel so lost.

And frustrated. So frustrated and angry at the Universe for leaving me here, adrift, lost. So frustrated that I shout out into the void, "Why have you left me here?! I've made my choice! I choose life, I choose my love, I choose my baby...but still, I'm here! Why? Why??" And I feel the tears flowing unchecked from my closed eyes, my heart breaking all over again when I still feel lost in the darkness.

I imagine my love's fingertips wiping the tears from my cheeks feeling so real, too real, and my heart continues to break, and I'd rather feel nothing at this point if I can't have the real thing. I turn my head away, trying not to feel the touch, but it moves with me. So I turn my head the other way, and it's still with me.

"It's not real...why can't it be real? I need it to be real..." I mutter, still turning my head this way and that, disturbed, agitated, that I'm being teased this way, a sick cosmic joke on me. And I cry harder, crying out for my Jimin.

When warm, plump lips press against mine, I settle, the feeling of one last kiss a soothing balm to my fractured, tortured soul. And I sigh when they leave me.

"Open your beautiful eyes, my love... I need you to look at me..." I can hear his soft voice enveloping me. And I feel disoriented. The nothingness surrounding me changing. The darkness getting lighter. Sounds ass*ulting my senses. The scents of antiseptic and medicine strong. The touch of his hands on my face warm and soothing. The pain in my body real.

I fight to open my eyes, the light so bright that it hurts and I can barely crack them, my eyes watering, but this time not from tears and heartache.

"Light...too bright..." I whisper, my voice cracking, my throat like sandpaper. It sounds like he turns away when I hear the creak of the bed below me, his hands shifting slightly on my face.

"Can you turn the lights off?" His voice is distant, quiet, whispering. "And go get someone in a few minutes, let them know she's waking up. But I need a moment with her first."

I hear what sounds like a door opening then closing. "The lights have been turned off, it's not bright anymore, my love. Can you open your eyes for me?" he whispers again.

I try, still fighting my heavy eyelids, but I can feel them moving. Then I see blurriness in front of me. I squeeze them closed again, and his thumbs rub lightly across my lids, caressing. I try again, this time it's easier and not so blurry. And the first thing I see is my love's face, haggard, drawn, watery eyes, tears sliding down his cheeks to drip from his chin. I slowly lift a shaky hand to touch him, my fingertips feeling the roughness of stubble.