Even Birds Have Songs

19. Irresistible

*Hazel*

We ducked into a doorway downtown. We stayed there quiet until we saw Salina walk by. Then I grabbed Gil and we started back to the other building to try and find his debate box. We started by randomly looking around in places. It was so strange, because we couldn't find it anywhere, and we hadn't seen Salina take it with her, so where could it be?

We looked behind the dumpsters in one alleyway, because by that point, we assumed Salina hid it because she was mad or jealous, or just a creep. I started walking down a side alley, that basically was just a brick wall that separated a small secondary sidewalk. No one ever went there, and it was super dark. It was almost impossible for anyone to see us, unless we stood in the light. Once we were there, we immediately didn't see Gil's box, but we decided to stay for a little while.

It was one of those really weird moments, when I didn't quite feel in control. I just threw my arms around him and kissed him. I could sense that he was surprised, but he didn't resist or stop. I couldn't stop. I felt like I was almost bossy in a way at this point, because we were somewhat in the light, I started pushing him up against the brick wall in the darkness. He seemed very surprised and unsure, and ended up tripping over his own feet as I continued to push him against the wall. Mainly I was doing this to get us out of the light, but I was also genuinely falling against him.

I can't explain it.

All my life, I imagined what it would be like to kiss someone. The truth is,  I was saving my first kiss for my future husband. I've been tried to be kissed before. When Jack tried, some random people, and other boys who have had crushes on me have tried/asked. But I refused every time.

But Gil... I couldn't say no. It just wasn't possible.

Every time I even think about kissing him, all I can think is how much I love him. Every time I'm with him, it's like everything is okay. When he hugs me, I feel safe, like nothing in the world could ever hurt me, because Gilbert is right there protecting me. When we actually kiss, I just can't get enough. Even if I kissed him a million times, I would never truly be satisfied.

Why?

Because I don't want to be done with Gilbert Write.

I can't ever express how truly in love with Gil I am. He is everything to me. I honestly don't know where I'd be without him. So many times after Kim's suicide attempt, I haven't been doing good. Allen is constantly on my mind in my nightmares. There were times, that I admit, I just wanted to hurt myself. I chocked myself a few times before I met Gil. I don't know what my end goal was, but I have tried.

You see, Gil despises when I'm in pain. As long as I have him, I have a reason to not cut myself, or do anything drastic. Because he loves me. That's all I need to look forward to.

There are times when I imagine the future with Gil. I can see us on our wedding day, me walking down the isle, I can see him holding back tears of joy. I imagine the first night together. We don't have to leave, we can just be there with each other and never be separated by time, distance, or doors. Imagining these things makes me very excited to see where we end up in twenty years.

We didn't kiss for too long before we started walking down the path to find his box and go home. I looked at him, we were holding hands. The light was shining on him; he looked perfect. I felt so lucky. I leaned in, intending to kiss his cheek and saying something cute, but when I leaned in to do so, he grabbed me and kissed me full on the lips. And we kissed, yet again. I never wanted to let him go, but I had to.

When the wall ended, I saw Jack and a one of the bricks right there and I realized how bad it would look with me and Gil walking out of a dark alley way alone together, so I shouted,

"Yo, Jack, have you seen Gil's debate box? We've been looking for twenty minutes but can't find it."

"Naw," he started, "But I can go check the lounge for you."

"Sure, that'd be great!" I said a bit surprised. Me and Gil continued to look, but then I saw out of the corner of my eye, Jack went the complete opposite way of the lunge. What a grasshole.

Eventually, me and Gilbert walked back to the lounge, and there we found his box.

"I swear she didn't have it." I said looking at him.

"So how'd it get here?" He asked.

"I don't know."

Then Gil had to go home with his mom. Tomorrow would be our last day in Erie together.

After he left, I felt my phone buzz.

Gilbert: Goodnight baby <3

Yup.

I'm not going anywhere.

***