My Inhumane

Ch. 4 | All about her

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(Your P.O.V)

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Right, I'm so bored. What is a good way to get out of boredom especially at 2 AM? I do not have anything that inspires me, not even a single thing. I couldn't sleep because I was bothered by how I couldn't remember anything in my sleep in the car few hours ago. There must be something in it, there has got to be one but I don't remember.

Just thinking about it scares me. "Are you daydreaming again?", Jinyoung interrupted. "You scared me. What do you mean?", I asked Jinyoung without an obvious . "You were daydreaming, as if you were existing in a drama", I interrupted him and said, "Hey.. there's no way an angel would get me right?" He giggled by that random thought. "I could've probably gone to hell by then if I fell for one", I pouted as he teased me and he laughed it out loud.

"You really are funny", Jinyoung smiled. "Not my fault everything around you is just as funny as your tiny thing." I pouted.

"How about you just go and eat because of you keep talking, you'll just end up spitting someone you like - out of nowhere", Jinyoung said. "Liking someone? What do you mean?", I asked him while showing a confused look. He said, "Hey, don't show me that look. You were dating someone earlier, didn't you?" Huh? Since when wer

"Hey, stop with those weird gossips. Seriously, what is with you?", I asked him, who was continuously teasing me. "Is that why no one wanted to be your girlfriend?", I continued. He then got back at me for teasing him back. "Yah! I do have a girlfriend", he insisted even though I knew that he was joking. He then slapped me afterwards.

"Oh yeah, I've got something to share with you, Y/N", Jinyoung said, while I was disregarding how serious he was. "You want to flirt with a girl again?", I assumed since that was what he asked. He replied, "No, but....", he started to stutter when he was going to bring up something.

"Flirting for a guy, mhm", making a bold statement. "Wait, are you...

"...gay?"

I was shocked with how he wanted to flirt with a guy, like how have you not told me this for like 6 years? "I'm not! I literally asked for it on behalf of my friend who was gay, not me!", Oh. "What the hell. I would've been proud if you actually admitted to be one, you're so confusing."

He then said, "What about you? Do you have someone in mind?" I was too stunned to speak. How could I even have a crush on someone when I'm an anti-romantic? "Seriously, what's with the lovey-dovey stuff going on, in your mind?It's not like you could have a girlfriend, anyway."

He then slapped my arm and replied, "Hey! That's mean, at least I can think of dreaming one. I mean you~", God bless this man - in case if he died and he can't ascend himself to heaven. Sigh. "Hella disgusting, that's probablg why you can never have a girlfriend", I tried roasting him. He is annoyed, I'm laughing out loud because of how silly he looks. Until my phone rang and it seemed like someone messaged me.

Another anonymous number. Who could be texting me at this time? They're saying that they want to meet me tomorrow at school gates, around 5:30 am. It had to be this early, although I am just going to disregard this. I immediately turned my phone off and decided to continue to talk with Jinyoung, since I wanted to wash off all my worries today.

Even though Jinyoung can be really dumb, at times like this, he was the only one who has known me for so long. I'm glad that he's not the type to force me to go out of my room when I'm busy, I wanted to be alone, or if I am just really tired. He knows when to push, which is why I'm really glad to have him. Now that I think about it, it's almost 9 PM and I never realized how time is passing really fast, I don't know if I could even be bothered about it.

I was looking at the clock above and I honestly wanted to sleep. For some reason, I just feel so tired today - I didn't realize I was already on my limit. I told Jinyoung, "Hyung, I'll go and sleep now. You can do your own thing." I know Jinyoung is a guy who would always stay up late because he didn't want to miss watching dramas. When he said it's the last time he should be watching for the day, he insists on watching another episode before he goes to sleep. Until eventually, he will sleep in the couch and he won't even realize that he actually did.

Alright, I'm at my bed now. But as soon as I was laying in it, my eyes were wide open. Suddenly, my mind went empty and looking at the ceiling is just.. I don't know. 'No thoughts, head empty' as they say. I wonder what happens tomorrow, I've always been scared because I wouldn't know what happened to me.

(Trigger Warning [TW]: Disturbing 🌝)

*Flashbacks of the dream*

It was when I was 9, I was just sleeping comfortably to my room. Suddenly, I heard a noise out of nowhere, and decided to follow it. Somehow, it didn't wake my parents up, and since the voice from outside, I had to open the door either way.

As I was tracking to where that voice was, it leads me to an empty yet lonesome forest. There, I met a lady who was facing the tree, wearing a beautiful white pajama kind-of-dress. When I grabbed her shoulder and said "hey", she turned around and the pupils of her eyes were as if she was possessed by some sort of spirit. And the blood starts dripping from her face, and decids to hold my neck tightly using both of her hands.

When she said "you will realize~" and the message cut out, and I heard my parents screaming for help, or rather I should say, they were about to call for an ambulance as they continuously panicked. I woke up and asked them what's wrong. They said....

"You were choking yourself. You sounded as if you were so desperate for help, we are sorry for neglecting you~ we were not there for you and for your struggles inside"

So.. two of my hands were at my neck. I basically tried to choke myself, just as how that girl from my dreams tried to kille by choking me. I realized that after that, I have this sort of phobia in going to sleep or like a feeling of what happens to me tomorrow. Now that I think about it, not only it disgusts me but also I realized how dreams can tear you to pieces one day. It's like Romeo and Juliet where they are happy but life unfortunately does not favor them and that happiness they felt did not last long until a huge wave arrives, as an obstacle of their relationship.

*Going back to the present*

It's why it is so difficult for me to sleep sometimes - well, probably most of the time? But now that I recalled that story, I guess I could really die tonight. God, Buddha, how can I even sort this out? I was hoping that one day, I am able to sleep without thinking of what badly happens to me tomorrow or if I could just have a delete button in this world and remove this damn trauma.

Sigh, speaking of which, I kinda want to draw before going to sleep. I wonder who am I going to be inspired tonight? Well, as an artist, of course I require some inspiration to make my own masterpiece.... well, not those "inspirations" you think of. Well, something - anything normal, rather. An object, a person- an idol, or I don't know. AUGUHSH, I'm out of ideas so I don't think I can draw.

Wait...

Thinking about her?

Uhm...