The Unseen

Chapter 14

Grandma paused mid-action, for the first time lacking a confident answer. That didn't bode well for me because if I didn't share my reasoning even with her, what in the world was I thinking?

"I often wondered about that, too," Grandma said, furrowing her brows. "I mean, sure, many bad things happened to you. You went through a lot of pain, especially with your father's and mother's deaths. However, you seemed to be doing well enough under the circumstances, especially with the love of your life by your side."

"What happened, then?" I asked, perplexed.

"I am not sure," Grandma said as if the wrong word could break me. "After Derek died, you seemed to fall into an apathy you couldn't pull yourself out of. The strangest thing was that it didn't happen immediately but a few weeks later."

"Who is Derek?" I asked, confused that the name didn't ring any bells.

The spoon grandma used to mix the sauce clattered into the pan, splashing all over her pristinely clean walls that had somehow avoided the destruction that the other parts of the kitchen had suffered, even though Grandma clearly got rid of most of the mess those creatures left behind.

Her reaction spoke volumes about how serious the situation was. I couldn't remember her ever losing her composure like that or making a mess. My grandmother was always steady and meticulous. This was quite out of character. That Derek guy must have been far more significant than I realized.

"I didn't think... I didn't expect..." Grandma said hesitantly, wiping her sauce-covered hands with a cloth absentmindedly. "Clearly, I understood that you had gaps in your memory. Your psychiatrist confirmed as much, selective amnesia, she said. But I never assumed it was this serious. I always thought you didn't want to talk about him, the same way you avoided speaking about your parents' accident because it was too painful."

"Grandma, what's wrong?" I asked, starting to feel deep in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong, that there was yet another thing, another person I had forgotten when I shouldn't have. "Who is Dereck?"

Grandma took a deep, cleansing breath, clearly determined to break any promise she gave the past me about not telling me anything, and started talking rapidly. It was as if she had slowed down, she might have changed her mind, and she clearly believed I needed to know. That I had to face my past sooner or later.

"Dereck was your best friend," Grandma said carefully. "It was one of those friendships where there was no confusion, no awkwardness because of your different genders. Neither of you had siblings, so you saw each other as family."

Hot tears streamed down my face without me knowing the reasoning behind them. I didn't remember ever having had such a person in my life. It was as if he was permanently erased, not even a nightmare left to remember him by. At least when it came to my parents, I remembered most things except those moments around the time of their deaths. This was on the whole other level of strange.

"You think his death was painful enough to cause me to do something as stupid as erase my memory?" I asked, sniffling, utterly annoyed at the empty crying that I couldn't stop. "Then, why would I have chosen to forget ? Besides you, he seems to have been the only person always there for me."

More than anything, I wanted to know why I would betray Andromalius and myself in the cruelest possible way by completely forgetting that he existed even. It somehow felt worse than just ending a relationship.

"I don't think so... but then again, I didn't know about your decision until it was too late," Grandma said, tears gathering in her eyes. "I failed you both as a parent and as a grandmother. I should have seen it coming. I should have stopped you."

She covered her face with her hands and started sobbing like that horrible night when they told her my parents were dead. Why was that memory still there and yet, so wonky and hard to arrange chronologically?

"Grandma, this is not your fault," I said as I hugged her gently. "Whatever happened was my decision, probably my pride and stubbornness. It has nothing to do with your parenting skills."

It took a while for Grandma to regain her composure which was painful to watch. Tears had no right to stain her gentle, wrinkled face. But once she got her emotions under wraps, she continued her chores as if nothing had happened. She was as tough as always.

"Was there anything strange about me in those days, anything different?" I asked, wondering what was going through my head then. What was I hiding even from my grandmother?

"You did seem a little bit sluggish, not your usual self," Grandma said, her eyes unfocused, lost in the memory of what once was. "Even after your parents' death, when you were heartbroken, you still had so much energy. You had so much respect and appreciation for the here and now. You always enjoyed everything you had because you knew it could be lost at any moment."

I sounded too wise for my years and overly cautious, afraid of loss. Could that have been the reasoning behind my decision? After those terrible losses I suffered, was I in danger of suffering more? More importantly, would learning the truth put someone I love in danger?

"Most of the time, looking at you, it felt like you were in a daze like you weren't fully aware of your actions. Now that I think about it, it felt like you were a puppet with its strings being pulled by an invisible hand," Grandma said, her eyes growing big in realization.

Maybe I seemed like I was being controlled because I was, or at least on some level. Still, I couldn't figure out what that meant for me or my future now that I chose to remember.

Seconds later, when the soothing white light suddenly appeared in the war-ridden kitchen, it didn't scare me. It reminded me too much of my dream, of the beautiful angel who soothed all my worries.

Yet, something in the pit of my stomach, at the center of my being, told me that I shouldn't feel so at ease.

I should be afraid, very afraid.

No light was the same, and the familiar tang of bitterness told me this was a deceiving feeling, something the being wanted me to feel. I reached out for my grandmother, trying to warn her not to trust the light, but she was no longer there. Or was I the one who was gone?

"Time to face your trauma...by reliving it," the familiar voice that felt out of place with the brilliant light said. "Or even better, die trying."

I was completely disoriented, weightless, lost in space and time. However, one thing I was sure of. I knew that voice. I depended on it.

It turned out that I was wrong to trust it because I knew a kidnapping when I saw one, and I was clearly being abducted by a supernatural being. What was worse, that being was not one of darkness but one of light. One that I assumed was there to help me, even guide me to recovery.

What if that soothing voice was always there to lead me as far away from my purpose as possible? What if her mission in life had always been to stop me from learning the ultimate truth about myself and who did this to me?

It was tempting to give in and let the light lull me to sleep. However, I knew I needed to trust myself, my instincts, and not give in. After all, what would Andromalius do if something happened to me on his watch? How would he feel?

No one could protect me from the joined forces of Heaven and Hell. However, maybe I could save myself when no one else can.

Aren't I different from everyone else?

It was time I used that difference to my advantage and figured out a way to escape. I needed to save myself. My memories. And in turn, save Andromalius from any more pain.