The Secrets She Kept

The Secrets She Kept - Chapter 23

Dad released his hold on his mug and patiently held his hands out to us both. Gently, I placed my hand in his. The warmth of steady hold oddly comforting, his grip strong despite how frail he suddenly looked. Diane took his other hand.

Diane and I met each other's stare briefly but quickly turned away. We made no move to complete the circle. We were not there. Maybe we never would be.

Dad squeezed our hands bringing our attention back to him.

"She didn't break up the family. I did." He confessed.

I blinked. Diane shook her head.

"No, you're just trying to be noble and protect her. She cheated on you. We all know that."

"That's true, she did. But, your mum also loved me. She loved me differently to him but if I had begged her to stay she would have." Dad's smile was morose, his eyes shimmering as a tear gathered at the corner of his eye and dripped down on to his cheek. "She loved me enough to do that. But I knew I was making her miserable so I had to let her go. It was the hardest thing I've ever done."

Diane shook her head. "I don't understand."

"I love your mother. I have always loved your mother and I believe a part of me will love her for the rest of my life. She was incredible. But she has – had - never been perfect." My dad sighed loudly, his eyes closing briefly as he sought his next words. "I knew when I married your mum that she was a bit of a free spirit. Evie led with her heart more than her head." He closed his eyes, his lips curling up into a fond smile. "It's part of what drew me to her, you know? She was just -- full of life."

His hands trembled around mine. I bit my lip, my mouth soon throbbing with pain as my teeth pierced skin. The metallic tang of blood quickly flooded my mouth. It was secondary to the pain I was putting my dad through. He looked as if he had been emotionally flayed alive.

He released a shuddering breath as he tried to regain control of his emotions.

"Dad, you don't need to go into this." I squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him as he had been doing for me. "You don't need to talk about it. I don't need to know about this – not if it's going to hurt you."

"No, it's okay. You both deserve the truth." He took one large breath before releasing it slowly. "I was grateful for Evie's attitude to life because it led her to me."

He chuckled and shook his head. "She quite literally danced into my life, with big hair, a big smile, and a sparkle in her eyes that promised an adventure. And what an adventure we had."

He shook his head, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "But I always knew I was on borrowed time. An ordinary family life was never going to be on the cards for Evie. She was like the sun. Too bright for ordinary. Still, I'm grateful as, through her, I got the two of you. That's something I will never regret."

I opened and closed my mouth. Then, after the briefest hesitation, I asked, "But what if –."

Dad waved his hand. "What if nothing. Your mother's indiscretions change absolutely nothing, Rosie. You are my daughter. You will always be my daughter. It doesn't matter whether we share DNA or whatever else."

I swallowed. My heart skipped a beat. "So, does that mean I'm not yours? Do you know?"

My dad squeezed my hand, ducking his head until our eyes met. "Genetically? I don't know, poppet. I didn't ask for the tests because, for me, the results wouldn't change a thing. You're my daughter. Mine. I knew it the moment I first held you in my arms." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the side of my head. "I was there when you took your first steps. I taught you to ride a bike. I don't need a DNA test to confirm what I already know. You're mine."