Resistance

Chapter Seventeen

            Jagger’s words are quiet but I can still hear them. “She’s gone, Cole.”

            Cole collapses onto his knees and covers his face with his palms.

            I never thought I would ever see Cole like this. And watching him, despite how he just screamed at me, makes me want to comfort him. But I don’t know how and it’s clear I’m unwanted, so I turn my gaze away and stare at the warm dashboard of the Hummer.

            Jagger speaks to Cole for a while and Jack just stands in front of the Hummer, looking at the ground. Briefly our eyes meet once, but as quickly as they do, we both turn away. Everything is too uncomfortable.

            “Jack,” Jagger hollers.

            Jack snaps his head up as the toddler spins circles around his legs. Jagger signals for him to come over so first Jack heads towards me. He refuses to lift the boy up so I have to grab him instead, watching Jack leave before I’m even back in the Hummer.

            For whatever reason, this behavior worries me. Jack has always been so scared and upset all the time that when he’s silent, just after a death, it’s completely out of character. He’s reacting in a way that isn’t normal for him, and that’s concerning.

            I don’t get to say anything to him because by the time I realize it, he and Jagger are passing Cole who’s lying on the ground, curled in the fetal position. They enter the gas station without him and I already know what they’re going to do.

            They’re going to shoot what’s left of Emily.

            The infant shifts in my lap but I’m too numb to care. He’s restless and I fight him, trying to absently hold on to him until I finally get fed up and sit him in the back seat. I don’t turn around.

            For a while, I hear him climbing over things and watch Cole shake on the ground. When I can’t stand to look at him again, I stare inattentively at my lap, trying to pretend that I’m not here and what just happened didn’t.

            There’s a small thump and the small child starts wailing, having hurt himself.

            I still don’t turn around.

            In the gas station, gun shots quickly ring out. With every bang I flinch even though I’m prepared to hear them. I can only imagine what it must look like inside, what it must feel like to have to kill someone you know, even though they aren’t really alive to kill at all.

            When Jack and Jagger come out of the gas station, Jack walks past Cole and towards me, while Jagger stops beside him. He slowly bends his knees until he’s closer to him and rests a comforting hand on his shoulder. His lips are moving, saying something and Cole briefly stops shaking.

            I continue to watch until Jack climbs into the driver’s seat of the Hummer and shuts the door.

            Neither of us says anything for a long time, and Jagger stays with Cole. I don’t know if it’s because he’s consoling him or because he’s scared he will do something stupid like he originally intended, but regardless, he stays there until the sun sets.

            I had no intention of speaking, no will to say anything to anyone after everything that’s happened, but for whatever reason, I can’t stop thinking of Emily being dead.

            “So she’s gone,” I whisper hoarsely. My throats dry from no water or speaking for hours. Jack doesn’t move for a few moments and I start to wonder if he heard me.

            “She was already gone when we got there, Sloane.”

            I lower my head and try to ignore the alarm bells about the tone of Jack’s voice.

            “So she’s not…” I trail off and Jack turns towards me. I’m scared to meet his eyes so I continue to stare at my legs.

            “She’s a zombie,” Jack explains, his voice annoyed. “She was already changed when we got there.”

            I turn to him, confused. “But I heard gone shots. I thought you shot her.” Neither of us dares to say Emily’s name. It’s as if saying her name is some kind of curse because she’s no longer living.

            “We shot the others,” he shrugs, turning his gaze towards the windshield. Night has completely wiped away any remaining sun. “We’re leaving her locked in there until Cole decides what to do.”

            He means to say until Cole decides to kill her or not. Before he wanted to, but now he’s hysterical. One minute he’s staring up at Jagger, looking better and nodding, but the next he is wailing – full on screaming out in pain.

            “If he does, we can have a funeral.” I don’t know why I suggest this. It’s as if me saying something to do to honor Emily makes up for me being the one who didn’t save her from zombie-death.

            Jack doesn’t respond.

            We sit again in silence that feels worse than speaking. Eventually Jagger comes over with Cole trudging a few feet behind him, looking completely weak and defeated. When Jagger reaches us he puts his arm around my open door and leans into the Hummer, briefly looking at Jack.

            “We’re going to have to stay here tonight. Cole needs time to think. We’ll know in the morning.”

            Jack nods and I don’t speak. All I can do is wonder what Cole will do – if he will choose to kill his zombie turned girlfriend or not. Have they ever thought about what they would do, or even discussed it? How to do you shoot somebody you claim to love?

            “Sloane?” Jagger asks.

            When I don’t look he gently grabs my chin and turns me to face him. As soon as our eyes meet, I’m no longer staring at his present face.