Stumbling (H.S. / A.U.)

Chapter 10

Friday, August 18th

Riley's POV

"Don't. I don't want this anymore." The screams were deafening, but falling on ears that refused to listen.

The room was filled with broken glass, shattered only moments before.

"Please just listen to me." I yelled.

"I love you. Don't you get it. I will always love you." He tells me.

I feel my eyes getting heavy, the room seems dizzy, I can't touch the ground with my feet anymore. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I am broken at this point.

"Please. Please. I am begging you Luke. I love you."

"I will always love you more Riley. Look what you made me do. This is all your fault." He shouts into my face, finally letting me go from the death grip of his hands wrapping across my throat.

"Luke. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can we talk about this?" I beg with every ounce of desperation left in me. I can feel the hot tears streaming down my face, I know it won't help, but it's inevitable.

I start to look around the kitchen for something. Anything.

That's when I notice the glimmering item in front of me.

Please no.

I see the kitchen knife.

I jolt up in my bed with sweat matting my hair to my forehead. I can't control my breathing and my whole body is overheated.

"It's a dream. It's a dream. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" I start to get louder with each reassurance I am giving myself, they do not work at all.

I pick up a pillow from my bed and throw it at my closet door, letting out a scream. I hit the corner just right and a purse came falling off one of the hooks causing a secondary crashing noise.

I half expected to wake up Autumn and have her come running into my room looking shocked, but I remember that she is with Louis and I'm alone. I sit in bed with tears bubbling in my eyes, agony across my face, and fear washing over me.

"It's just another nightmare." I tell myself again to try and rationalize it and calm myself. I check my phone and see it's 6:14 am. Fuck. No one wants to wake up like this.

"I thought things were getting better... it's.... It's so hard. Why is it like this? Why am I like this?" I choke through my words talking to myself in the dark.

I silently sob until my chest hurts.

Everything was getting better I thought, but lately the nightmares are back and I am scared for them to resurface again.

I finally lay back down and manage to fall back asleep for a few more hours before walking up to the sun shining into my room. It was an extremely restless sleep, but I couldn't fix anything right now. I decided to wake up and muster all the energy I could to make myself breakfast in the kitchen.

While making a bagel I call mom and tell her all about classes, school, the friends I've made including Tiffany, Melody, and Niall... I decided to leave Harry out. I didn't know if we or weren't friends currently, so I shouldn't bring him up. She asks me nonstop how I am doing, probably sensing the distressed tone I have.

"We can find you a new therapist. One up close to you honey. You were doing so well talking to the one you had here." -Mom

"Yeah mom... a court ordered therapist isn't really needed this time. I really just want to go back to being a normal person. I'm sick of everyone looking at me as the creepy girl who killed her boyfriend." -Riley