[Shatter Me] [Shu Kurenai]

Part 11

I stood in the bey park, it now being the morning, and just stared at the stadium, my mind willing myself to move but my legs were not responding. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to go back to that sad, lonely house, and I was almost scared to return. I didn't exactly leave on a high note. I was now the villain in this story.

"What are you doing Shu, aren't you tired?" I glanced behind me to see Valt standing there, a sympathetic look on his face, but all I could feel was disdain towards him. Did he still think he could save me? That's ridiculous.

"What are you doing here, I don't think that you were invited." I came out here to be alone to clear my head, not to be chased, and my emotions were still bubbling over. I didn't want to hurt anyone more than I already had. "Here you go again, pretending like you love me when just beneath the  surface you're convinced that you're above me."

"Dig deep into the past, I've never been one for doing things half-assed. If I'm here to save you, I'll be here forever. Just take my hand, I'll be your knight in shining armour." He smiled at me, putting out his hand for me to take, his happiness beaming off of him - something that was usually contagious was something I had grown to hate.

I stared at his hand for a second or two, knowing that this would be my final chance to turn away from the darkness, before laughing. "You think you're a hero...? And they'll tell you, you are. So happy and lucky, and you've come so far."

His eyes seemed to soften - almost as if he pitied me. And I think that was where the loathing started. "You think you're a villain, but I know you're not. Under all that angst and anger is a-"

I tried to cut in front of him, but instead we just started talking simultaneously, and some may pity me, as this is another member of this generation that has been failed, but I think you become numb to the same news being reported again and again and again. Especially when it repeatedly happens to you.

"- beating human heart."

"- dying broken heart." I tried to swallow my upcoming emotions, but couldn't seem to suppress them. I don't deserve to be saved anymore, leave me alone. "Hey, what about the lonely little boy?"

"I'm sorry!" He was supposed to be the wonder boy

"What about his monsters who prevailed?" He was supposed to save me

"I'm sorry!" He was supposed to help me fight my demons

"You never came to save my world!" He was supposed to perform the miracle of recovery

"What about us?" And yet he didn't

"What about me?" I was alone

"I recognise that you're upset. I know they did you wrong." He went to reach for my hand but I pulled my hand away out of instinct

"OH, YOU KNOW NOTHING OF ME." It came out louder than expected, and there was a look of surprise on Valt's face, but he still continued to try and reach out to me.

"But trust me, please believe me, this won't stop the hurt for long. We don't need to end like this! Look me in the eyes!" I always knew Valt was a fighter - it was probably his greatest quality - but he's not one to accept when the battle is over.

I rolled my eyes, not in the right head space to be having this conversation right now. "Here comes the hero complex."

"You call yourself a villain-"

"I know I'm a villain-"

"- but we know it's a disguise."

"- but you're the one who lies." I sighed, my crimson eyes meeting his brown ones. "So, you're back at it again? Twisting and manipulating every word I've said?"

"Come on, you know that's not true, I'm just trying to help you." There was a determined look in his eyes - like the wonder boy was going to try and help at any cost. Once again, he pulled out all the stops. "Let me help you!"

And that very look infuriated me for some reason. I had come to despise it. All I saw was weakness; a boy who had been handed everything. "YOU ARE NOT MY HERO! You don't know how it felt. What else could you do with the cards that I've been dealt?"

His bottom lip quivered as he stared at me. The wonder boy was failing to bring hope to his best friend, of all people. "You are not the villain. You once held my hand."

"Shut up. Get out. Sometimes things don't go as planned." And with that, he was gone. There was silence once more.

Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes History obliterates, in every picture it paints; it paints me and all my mistakes. When my father aimed at the sky he may have been the first one to die, but I'm the one who paid for it. I survived, but I paid for it. Now I'm the villain in your history. I was too young and blind to see. I should've known. I should've known the world was wide enough for the wonder boy and me. The world was wide enough for both the wonder boy and me.