Situationship [Complete]

38 | Almond Milk Latte

Back home and almost a week later, my wound still feels fresh. I didn't see this coming. I thought that chapter with Heath had ended and that I could protect my heart beneath sex and vitriol. What I didn't see was that the resentment only existed because the love did too.

I had nowhere to put my sadness but inside myself until it came out as resentment. It takes time to learn that, and be able to see it when it's happening in real-time. I'm almost there.

Back at my parents' house for Sunday dinner, I walk past the library. My graduation pictures hang in the largest frames, my decade-old trophies line the tops of the mantle and cast shadows over Levi's hard-earned medals. Had I seen it earlier, maybe I could have confronted it head on.

But, deep down, I know my fear would have stopped me. I couldn't survive their disappointment. I couldn't even choose my own way in life without feeling like I would die.

Why did they do that to me? To us? Why make us feel like we owed them our lives because they gave us a better one than we would have otherwise had?

"There you are." My father's voice sends a shiver up my spine. "Dinner is ready, sweetheart. Come on."

I sit in my place next to Levi. Mom passes me the dish of steamed vegetables I promised myself I would eat.

When I hand it to Levi, he quirks an eyebrow. "How hard did you party on that island? You look wrecked." Levi laughs but stops when I don't return it. His brow creases with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out," I answer with a smile.

I return my focus to my plate and my glass of wine, letting myself zone out while the table conversation goes along its monotonous trail. My mind is elsewhere, back on the island, going through every word I said—every word I didn't say.

"I'm sorry," I hear Rowan say. The slight tremble in his voice matches the emotion I'm trying to repress.

"You must do better than that! A 1350 is nowhere near where you need to be," Mom scolds him.

"Leave him alone, Mom. It's just a test," Levi says.

"It's a very important test. Rowan can do better—he should do better."

Rowan looks down, but I can still see his lip quiver. The scolding continues, and I watch him edge closer to tears. Closer to the breakdown I've had too many times. Anger sends a chill up my spine.

"Oh my god, leave him alone!" I don't realize I've screamed the words until they are out of my mouth. My parents' wide eyes embolden me. "Rowan will be just fine whether he does everything to your standards or not!"

"What has gotten into you?" my mother asks. "We only want the best for all of you."

"No, you want what you think is best for us," I correct her. She leans back in her chair with offense. "So what if he doesn't get into an ivy league? He's going to be perfectly fine unless you continue to tell him he won't."